Friday, 24 June 2016

Gf and Bf non veg vulgar joke

बॉयफ्रेंड - Kiss लूँ ?
गर्लफ्रेन्ड - Lipstik खराब हो जएगी।💄

बॉयफ्रेंड - बॉल दबाऊ।
गर्लफ्रेंड -ब्रा के हुक टूट जाएँगे।👙

बॉयफ्रेंड - Sex करू।।
गर्लफ्रेंड - MC है।।

बॉयफ्रेंड - अब ये मत बोलिओ की loosmotion है। चल गांड इधर कर।। 😂😂😂

Monday, 20 June 2016

Dirty girl non veg joke

एक लड़का और एक लड़की का एक्सीडेंट हो गया
लड़का-बेहेनचोद दीखता नहीं क्या , तेरी मा को चोदु, तेरी बेहेन को चोदु😼

लड़की -और मुझे भी न प्लीज़.“☺

शायरी का बाप 😜😜😜😜

अर्ज किया है....

नार्मल फ्रेंड थी वो मेरी, अचानक से मेरे लिए ख़ास हो गयी..

ज़िन्दगी भर फेल होती थी कमीनी, प्रेगनेंसी टेस्ट में पास हो गयी... 😅😂😂

तु मुझे छोड़कर चली गई इसका मुझे कोई दुख नहीं..😘

अगर वापिस आकर तुने मेरी दुसरी सेटिंग बिगाडी तो मुझसे बुरा कोई नहीं....✍🏻

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Non veg chutkule

Bf to Gf:"Jaan Tum Kal Mere Sapne Mein Aayi Thi.. You Were Looking Very Cute.. :))
.
.
Gf Khush Ho Kar.. Hmmm ?? Sach Much.. ♥
.
Bf:"Haan Baba Such Much..♥
.
Gf:"Sapne Mein Hum Dono KyaKar Rahe The.. ??
.
.
.
Bf:"I Was Eating Dairy Milk..!!
Main Akele Hi Kha Raha Tha Aur Tum..
.
.
.
.
Bhooki Bhikari Ke Andaaz Mein Keh Rahi Thi Ki Plzz Beshak Chocolate Naa Dena But Wrappar To De Dena Chaatne Ke Liye... 



 Ladki:" (sharma ke) ye pyar kya hota hai.. ??
.
Ladka:" Pyar ka rishta 2 insaano me wohi hota he jo cement or rait ke darmiyan pani ka hota hai..

Dekho

Ladka= Cement

Ladki= Rait

Love= Pani

Ab agar cement or rait ko aapas me mila diya jaye to wo strong nahi hoge..

Agar in me pani mix kar diya jaye to inko koi juda nahi kar sakta...
.
.
.
.
.
.
Ladki:"(Hans ke boli) Kamine tu Engineer hai na ??


 Agar movie ka naam "StudentOf The Year" ki jagah"Principal Of The Year" hota..
.
.
to kya kaha jata short me..??
.
Agar student of the year ko ''SOTY, kehte hain to Principal Of The Year ko kehte
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
POTY... 


 Husband : Agar Mai marr gaya tohtum dusri shaadi
karogi??

Wife : Nahin, Mai apni behen ke saath poori zindagi
reh lungi

Wife : Agar Mai marr gayi toh tum dusri shaadi
karoge??

Husband : Mai bhi tumari behen ke saath poori
zindagi rehlunga......


 Smart hone ki sabse badi
problam....
.
.
.
.
Sari ladkiyo ko lagta ki iski to
pahle se hi girlfrnd hogi :-)
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Unko kya pata isee vajah se aaj tak
single hu mai.....:-(:"(




Santa:
Aaj Tere Cell pe Bade
I L0vE U
Ke Msg Aa Rahe He
Kya Baat He?

Banta:
(Fakr Ke Saath)-
O Kuch Nahi Ji
Aaj BIWI Ka Cell Laya Hu Na.



 Ghor Kalyug-

Ek ladka bus stand me ladki ko pareshaan Kar raha hota hai.

Girl:Ghar me Maa/Bahen nahi hai kya?

Boy: nahi Jee koi nahi hai... akela rehta hu

Girl:To Ghar le chal na pagal, Yaha Time pass kyu kr raha hai ...

:-):-O:-O


 "Cheeta Cigarette Ka Kash Lagane Hi Wala Tha Ki

Achanak Chuha Wahan Aaya
Aur Bola, Bhai Chhod Do Nasha,
Aao Mere Sath,
Dekho Jungle Kitna Khubsurat Hai.
Cheetah Chuhe Ke Sath Chal Diya.

Aage Hathi Cocaine Le Raha Tha,
Chuha Fir Bola,
Bhai Chhod Do Nasha,
Aao Mere Sath,
Dekho Jungle Kitna Khubsurat Hai.
Hathi Bhi Sath Chal Diya.

Aage Sher Whisky Pene Ki Tayari Kar Raha Tha,
Chuhe Ne Usse Bhi Woi Kaha.
Sher Ne Glass Side Par Rakha Aur Chuhe Ko 5-6 Thappad Mare.

Hathi Bola: Kyun Maar Rahe Ho Is Bechare Ko?




Hindi non veg jokes typed in english

Pappu - Papa muje ek ladki se pyar ho
gaya hai
Papa Santa - wow kon hai vo kushnasib
ladki
Pappu - Pinky , apne Padosi Guptaji ki
Beti
Santa - ohh no beta , me tumhe kuch
batana chahta hu but tum
promise karo mummy ko nhi bataoge
Pappu - promise nhi bataunga
Santa - Actually Pinky tumhari Behen
hai
ye sun k puppu ne pinky ko bhula diya
aur fir 2 mahine baad
Pappu - Papa muje firse ek ladki se
pyar ho gaya hai, aur vo ladki bahot hot
hai
Santa - wow ye to bahot acchi baat hai
kon hai vo ladki ?
Pappu - Reshma , Apne padosi Vermaji
ki beti
Santa - ohh no fir se , Beta Reshma b
tumhari behan hai
Pappu pagal hone laga tha, usne tang
aakar rote huve Mummy se kaha -
meine 6 ladkiyo se pyar kiya lekin 6 ki 6
papa ki betiya nikali
Mummy - Aale aale mera bacha ro mat
tu kisi se b pyar kar ,
tu unki mat sun vo tumhare papa
nhi hai...


Cute Girl Goes to Dr with mom..

Girl:" Medical checkup karana hai..

Dr:" sare kapde utar ke parde ke piche let jao..
.
.
.
.
Girl:" mera nahi, mummy ka..
.
.
.
Dr:" Mataji Jeebh dikhaiye...  



Girl: Chalo chupan chupai khelte hain....
Agar tumne mujhe dhoond liya to tum meri kiss le lena....
Aur Agar tumne nahin dhoonda tomain tumhari jaan le loongi.......
Boy: Theek hai.:O . Lekin ek baat bataao:s Tum meri jaan Kaise logi..........
Girl: Hum shopping chalenge!!!!!!!!!!!! 



 Pappu ko scooty chalate huye
dekh kr uske
dost ne pucha . . .
.
.
Dost ( pappu se) : ye scooty kab li?
.
Pappu : Kal raat 1 ladki mujhe
scooty par
bitha kr
bahut dur le gayi or
.
sare kapde utar ke boli: Jo
chahiyele lo
.
.
Mein scooty le ke aaya, kapdo ka
kya
karta yaar ?????



 What is Tension..?

1 sundar ladki ne aapse lift mangi

Raste me uski tabiyat kharab ho gayi

aap use hospital le gaye

Doctor bola :- 'Mubarak ho aap baap banne wale he'.. Lo ho gayi tension

Aap bole me iska Baap nahi hu,

Ladki boli yahi iska baap he.

Aur tension!

Police aayi aur apka medical check up hua.......

Report aaya K aap to kabhi baap ban hi nahi sakte....

Saala aurr tension!...

Aapne Thank god kaha aur bahar aa gaye....

Fir yaad aaya ghar me do bacche he wo kiske he?

REAL TENSION....



Old bt faadu

Munna bhai:" ae circuit ye Dr. log operation se pehle aadmi ko behosh kyon karte hai.. ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
Circuit:" Bhai bole to aadmi operation sikh gaya to, Dhandhe ki vaat lag jayegi na..



Doctor to Female:" Kya aap delivery ke time baache ke pita ko apne paas dekhna chahenge ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Female:" Nahi, unhe mere pati pasand nahi karte...

Haha Jo samajh gaye wo 'Like' kare..
Baki pogo tv on kare..



Girlfrend Romantic mood me - aaj ghar mai koi nhi hai,
aajao.. .
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
Boy - tu mere ghar aaja pagli, mere ghar sab log hai Tera mann laga
rahega :D :p Moral - Har ladka kamina nahi hota koi sharif
b hota hai 


Girl - Kamine maine jo wallet,watch,de o,tshrt,jeans,b elts,shoes diye thae sab wapas kar!
.
.
.
Boy-Tu petrol wapis kar
.
.
.
.
Girl - kya me apne janu se mazak bhi nahi kar shakti.......






Very funny non veg jokes

सेक्स करने के बाद पप्पू बड़े शान सेअपनी प्रेमिका को बोला
पप्पू: "जानेमन अब आपको वो होगा जिसेदुनिया बच्चा कहती है"
लड़की हँसते हुए: "हाहाहा साले, अब तुझे भी वो होगा जिसे दुनिया एड्स कहती है"



बंता अपने दोस्त संता से सेक्स के बारे में बात करते हुए बोला.
बंता: "जगह न मिलने की वजह से लोग सेक्स नहीं कर पाते"
संता: "हाँ एक बार मेरे साथ भी ऐसा हीहुआ था"
बंता: "फिर?"
संता: "फिर क्या लड़की ने बताया की जगह टांगो के बीच में है"


  
Santa ki sadi hui suhag rat ke waqt wo apni biwi ko piche se karne laga

Biwi-suniye ji aage se karte hai.

Santa-tumhe kaise pata.

Biwi-jab me colledge me thi mujhe gunde utha kar le gaye the unho ne aage se kiya tha.

Santa-sale ye gunde bahut confuse karte hai jab mujhe le gaye the to piche se kiya tha...........
 



Wife in court: Ye muje bahot chodta h, maine es k sath nhi rhna
JUDG 2 Hsb: Kitni baar ?
Hsb: Raat ko sone se phle
adhi raat ko
subah chai se phle
chai p k
brkfst se phle
brkfast k baad
office jane se phle
dopahr office se aa k
lunch krke
sham ko office se aa k
fir chai p k
dinner se phle & dinner krne k baad..
Judge : Itni baar chod k tu bor ni hota ?

Husbd: Ji jab bor hota hu tab muth maar leta hu.




Ek Aadmi Ke Lund Ke Chaaro Taraf Ek Laal Rang Ka Ghera Ban Gaya Tha.

Pareshani Ki Haalat Mein Wo Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Aur Nishaan Dikhaya.

Doctor: “Koi Baat Nahi Ye Cream Lagao Agar Na Theek Hua To Dubara Dikha Lena”

Kuch Din Baad Wahi Aadmi Phir Se Aa Gaya Aur Bola.

Aadmi: “Doctor Sahab Ye To Theek Hi Nahi Ho Raha Koi Achhi Si Dawa Do”

Doctor: “Koi Baat Nahi Ye Doosari Cream Lagao, Theek Ho Jayega”

3 Din Baad Vo Fir Se Vaapis Aa Gaya

Aadmi: “Doctor Sahab, Please Kuch Ilaaz Karo Iska, Main Bahut Pareshaan Hun”

Doctor: “Hmm, Ye Lo Nayi Cream, Special America Se Aayi Hai, Ab Pakka Theek Ho Jayega”

Thode Din Baad Fir Wahi Aadmi Rota Hua Doctor Ke Pass Aaya

Aadmi: “Doctor Sahab, Ye To Ab Bhi Theek Nahi Hua”

Doctor Ne Kuch Socha Aur Use Ek Lotion Diya Aur Bola

Doctor: “Lo Is Baar Isko Laga Kar Dekho”

Agle Din Hi Wo Aadmi Khushi Se Naachta Hua Doctor Ke Pass Aaya

Aadmi: “Doctor Sahab Kamaal Ho Gaya Ye To Theek Ho Gaya, Is Baar Kon Si Dawa Di Thi”

Doctor: “Kuch Nahi Is Baar Lipstick Remover Diya Tha“


Adult Poem :-

- Mohini aao khelenge
nahi aap hamari le lenge
-are yahi to pyar ki kasutii hai
nahi, meri bahut choti hai
-dekh tere liye es dil me kitta pyar bhara hai
nhi mujhe pta hai aapka bahut bada hai
-dekh ye tera husn nikhar dega
ji nhi ye meri GAND bhi phad dega

  

Wife naha k nikli to santa use ghoorne laga.
Wife(in romantic mood):Aaj kya irada hai?
Santa ne kheech k thappad mara aur bola-Kamini mere gram pani se q nahai?

Gud mor .....♥


Saadi k 30 saal baad Pati-Patni apna 2nd Honeymoon manane ka plan karte hain
Patni:- Hum log phir wahi ghoomne chalenge, jaha-2 1st honeymoon me gaye the.
Pati:- Lekin is baar meri baari hai raat me kehne k liye ki.....
"YE TO BAHUT BADA HAI"...


 Ek Aadmi Bra Ki Shop Mein Gaya.

Usne Ek Darjan Ek Hi Color Ki Bra Khareedi Aur Ghar Aa Kar Apni Biwi Ko Di.

Biwi Ek Hi Rang Ki Bra Dekh Kar Gusse Se Boli

Biwi: “Tum Pagal Ho Kya, Ek Darjan Vo Bhi Ek Hi Rang Ki Bra Kyu Khareedi, Log Samjhenge Ke Main Bra Change Nahi Karti”

Husband Muskurate Hue: “Kaun Log?“










Ek Aadmi Bazaar Mein Jor-Jor Se Chilla Raha Tha: “Jannat Ka Parda 20 Rupaye Mein – Jannat Ka Parda 20 Rupaye Mein”

Saare Bazaar Ke Log Apna-Apna Kaam Chhod Kar Uske Paas Gaye,

Paas Jakar Dekha To, Haramkhor Panty Bech Raha Tha.......



Ladkiyon Ke Liye Baba Sexydas Ji Ki Ek Nek Salah:

Sex Karte Samaye Condom Jaroor Use Kare Kyunki

Condom – Rs.5

I-Pill – Rs.120

Moral: Save Money And Save Future (Kanya Hit Me Jaari)


Ek Bhikhari Signal Pe Bhikh Mang Raha Tha,

Tabi Ek Car Mein Se Ek Khubsoorat Aurat Ne Use Bhikh Di,

Bhikh Leke Bhikhari Aage Jane Laga, To Aurat Ne Kaha.

Aurat: “Arey Kuch Dua To Do Mene Tumhe 10 Ruapye Ka Not Diya Hai?”

Bhikhari: “Car Mein To Beithi Hai Ab Kya Land Pe Bethne Ki Dua Doon“




Hamara Dost Anuj Ek Baar Kisi Kaam Se Doosre Shahar Jaa Raha Tha

Raste Mein Peshaab Aaya To Apni Bike Ko Sadak Ke Kinare Rok Kar Ek Ped Ke Niche Peshaab Karne Lag Gaya

Ped Par Ek Bandar Betha Tha, Usne Anuj Ki Nakal Karte Hue Peshaab Karna Shuru Kar Diya Jo Sidha Anuj Ke Upar Aakar Gira

Ye Dekh Kar Anuj Ko Gussa Aa Gaya, Usne Fir Apna Lund Hilana Shuru Kar Diya

Bandar Ne Bhi Dekha Dekhi Nakal Kari Aur Vo Bhi Apni Lulli Pakad Ke Hilaane Laga

Anuj Ne Ye Dekha Aur Mutthi Maarni Shuru Kar Di, Bandar Ne Bhi Uske Samne Muthi Marni Shuru Kar Di

Ab Anuj Ka Gussa Saatve Asmaan Pe Jaa Pahuncha, Usne Jeb Mein Se Blade Nikala Aur Apna Lund Kaat Diya Aur Dekhne Laga Ki Bandar Kya Karta Hai.

Tab Bandar Ped Pe Taaliya Bajane Laga Aur Uchalne Laga Aur Bola: “Chutiya Banaya – Chutiya Banaya“.




Baba Saxidas Ji Ka Ek Param Bhakat Nilesh Badi Pareshani Ki Haalat Mein Unke Pass Gaya Aur Ek Prashn Puchha

Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Ye Mardana Kamzori Kya Hoti Hai?”

Baba Ji: “Bachha, Agar Tumhare Khawab Mein Koi Ladki Aaye Aur Waha Bhi Uski Izzat Bach Jaye, To Ise Mardana Kamzori Kehte Hai“





Double Meaning jokes collection

Pappu:" oye item kya haal hai
tera.. ?? :))
.
.
.
Girl:" jo teri behen ka hai..
.
.
.
.
.
.
Pappu:" achha matlab ki tu bhi
pregnent hai.. ??



Wife: Ji apko mujh me kya achha lagta
hai, meri samajhdarI ya meri beauty.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
.
. .
Husband: Mujhe toh yeh tumhari Mazak
karne ki aadat
bahut achi lagti hai.:






faddu bizati
Boy To Girl: Koi Aisi Bat Kaho,
Jismei Dukh B Ho Or Khushi B.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Girl: I Love U Bhai...

 
Boy--me aapke pas so jaau?
Nurse--so jaao.
Boy--me aapke pet me ungli karu?
Nurse--karo.....
thodi der baad.
Nurse-AH! AH! AH! AH! ye pet nahi hai.
boy-ye ungli bhi nahi hai...


BOYS RULE OF SUCCESS.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Kaam Karne Se Pehle Hamesha Kisi LADKI Se Mashwara Kar Lo...

Wo Jo Mashwara De Uss Ka Ulta Karo Kamyabi Tumhare Qadam Choome Gi



Shadi Ke Agle Din Dulhan Ki Saheli Dulhan Se Puchti Hai
Saheli: "Kal Raat Ko Tere Saath Kya Hua?"
Dulhan: "Kuch Nahi Hua"
Saheli: "Are Bata Na, Sharma Kyu Rahi Hai"
Dulhan: "Pehle Unhone Meri Chunni Utar Kar Khunti Par Tangi, Phir Meri Kameej Or Salwar Utar Kar Khunti Par Tangi!"

Saheli: "Phir Kya Hua?"
Dulhan: "Phir Achanak Khunti Toot Gayi Or"
Saheli: "Or Kya?"
Dulhan: "Or Woh Subha Tak Khunti Lagate Rahe



Miss: Batao Bacho! Hansne Ka Opposite Word Kia Ho Ga?
Girl:'SEX'
Miss Gusey Se: Kese?
Girl: Hansna Hota Hai
Ha Ha Ha Ha
Aur Sex Hota Hai
aH aH aH aH !!!


Baap: Is ladki mein aisa kya hai ki tu shaadi ke liye
itni zid kar raha hai ? Beta- Dad ye bachpan mein angutha bahut achchha
choosti thhi Aur aB yeH
.
.
.
.
. .
.
.
.
Ummeed karti hu aap samajh gaye honge.....


Govt: legal age for sex is 16 and
age for marriage is 18, Are they
trying to say .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
" Pehle istmaal karen
fir Vishwaas kare





Pehli Bar........K Bad

Larki Dar K Apni........ Dekh Kar Rone Lagi

Larka;

Kya Howa??

Larki;

Jab Andar Gaya ThO 6 Inch Ka Tha Bahir 3 Inch Ka Aya, Baki Kahan Hai???




Bus stop pe ek ladki dupatta baandhe khadi thi tabhi ek uncle aaye or bole..

Arey janemann ek bar is chehre ka didaar toh kara de..
.
.
.
.
.
Ladki - Papa main hun  






Non veg jokes for girlfriend and boyfriend

Police Ne Park Mein 2 Ladke Aur 1 Ladki Ko Pakda,
Unko Pakad Ke Police Station Le Aaye Aur Inspector Ke Aage Pesh Kiya.
Inspector Ne pahale Ladke Se Pucha: "Kya Naam Hai Tera Aur Tu Udhar Kya Kar Raha Tha?
Ladka Darte Darte Bola: Sir, Mera Naam Raju Hai Aur Main Bansuri Baja Raha Tha
Inspector : "Ok, Tum Jao"
Fir Dusre Ko Bulaya Aur Usse Pucha: Tera Kya Naam Hai Aur Tu Udhar Kya Kar Raha Tha
Ladka darte Hue: Sir Ji, Mera Naam Nilesh Hai Aur Main Bhi Bansuri Baja Raha Tha
Ispector: ok, Chal Tu Bhi Ja
Ab Inspector Ne Ladki Ko Bulaya Aur Pucha: "Tum Bhi Bansuri Baja Rahi Thi Kya?
Ladki Sharmate Hue: "Nahi sir, Mera Hi Naam Bansuri Hai.

*********

Girl : Arey itna bada Munh mein kaise aayega...
Boy : Jaldi se Munh kholo...
Girl : Oops.. Sare kapray geelay ho gaye...
Boy : Aur lo gee...

Girl : NA baba na yeh Gol Gapey tum he khaoo...

*********

A Boy ask to A Girl - Can you dance with me??

Girl - (with attitude) I don’t dance with a child.

Boy - Oh! Sorry aunty! I didn’t know you are a pregnant!

*********

Girlfrnd ko apni plko par bitha lo
De ke khushi uske sare gum chura lo
Pyar karo uski saheli ke samne itna ki
-
-
-
-
-
Uski saheli bhi aa k kahe "JANU" mujhe bhi PATA
lo..

*************

Why Indian Girls r not in sports ?

Only 10% r playing hockey, chess etc..
-
-
Bcoz 90% r busy in playing wid Boys... Jaanu ye, Jaanu wo, Jaanu, Jaanu,
-
-
Jaan Le lo Jaanu Ki!!!

***********

Boy to Girl : Sex kartay hue zyada Maza ladki ko aata hai ya
ladkay ko?
Girl : agar tum apnay kaan (ear) main ungle (fingure) dalo
gay to kaan ko maza aata hai ya unglee ko...

*************

Lady Teacher : Soch aur waham main kya fark hai???.
student: Aap mast item hain, yeh hamari soch hai aur hum bacche hain, ye aapka waham hai...

***********

Santa : What do woman usually say after Sex?
Banta : I Luv You ?

Wrong!!

Banta : That was great?
Wrong Again!
Banta : I Luv it?
Aray Nahi Yaar....

Sahi Jawab Hai - Suno Meri BRA PANTY Kaha Rakhi Hai...

**********

Ladka Ladki say : Tum gana bohot acha gatey hoee ..
Ladki : Nahe yaar main to sirf bathroom singer hon,
Boy : achha… to kisi din bulao na dono mil k Mehfil jamatay hain ..

**********

Boy : please karne do na

Girl : Nahi bus karo

Boy : plz thora aur karne do plz

Girl : Kab se to kar rahe ho

Boy : bus thora aur tum sahi se khol kar raho

Girl : jaldi karo koi dekh le ga

Boy : kuch nhi hota bus thora aur

Girl : bus bahut ho gaya ab nhi karne doongi

*
*
*
*
*
Boy : plz thora aur Nakal karne do warna me exam me fail ho jaoonga...

***********

Girl : I Love u Dear
Boy : Different style me propose karo na please...

Girl : Teri Lash ko Aag Lagane Ka Chance mere bete ko Dega Kya... :) :)

**********

Maa : Nalayak, kaha thi itni Raat tak?
Beti : Boyfriend ke saath.
Maa : Kar aayi na Muh kaala...

Beti : To kya hua maa, "Fair & Lovely" hai na?...

**********

Saxx Karte Time Ladki Ne Ladke Ke Upar Su Su Kar Diya
Ladka - Oh Ye Kya kar Diya
Ladki - Janu Tum Jis Jheel Ke Sapne Dekhte Ho Ye Usi Jheel Ka Paani Hai.



Featured post

Lover joke

Lover: Darling Tum Chaddi Kyon Nahi Pahenti? Lady: Mere Husband Ko Maine Vachan Rakha Hai Kiy.. Usske Alawa Kisi Ke Bhi Samne Chaddi Nahi Ut...