Monday, 18 January 2016

Pati vs patni non veg joke

Pati Patni Beth Ke Shooping Ki List Bana Rahe The.
Patni Ne Pucha: “Sabse Pahle Kya Likhu Ki Kya Lena Hai?”
Pati: “Likh, Pati Ki Gaand”

Teacher: What comes before "K"?
Santa (Instantly): "Bhosdi"
Teacher: "Get out...!"
Santa: Shayad answer "Chutmari" hoga...!

Saturday, 16 January 2016

Non veg dirty jokes for girlfriend

Girlfriend - tumhein 8 boobs mile toh kya karoge?
Boy - dabuanga...chaatunga..chusunga...uspar latak jaaunga
Girlfriend - toh wahan par ek kutiya soyi hui h, chalo shuru ho jaao
_______________________________________________________
1 sir 1 madam ke boobs dabaa rahe they toh 1 student ne dekh lia
Sir - beta miss ke seene mein dard h isliye dabaa raha hun
Student - bhen ke lode HBO dekhta hun pogo nai
_______________________________________________________
Call girl ke b'day par saheli ne sms kia - -
Har aadmi tere nange badan pe barse...tere jeevan mein aaye itne customer ki tu poora saal bra panty pehnne ko tarse...
_______________________________________________________
Kehte h shaadi ki gaanth toh aasman mein hi bandh jaati h...insaan toh sirf petikot Salwar aur bra ki gaanth kholne ke liye zameen pe bheja jaata h
_______________________________________________________
Galib ne begum ka Gila whisper dekha to arz kia...ghaagre ke niche se paani laal aata h...wah wah...kya meri begum ka bhonsda bhi paan khaata h...
_______________________________________________________
Boy - mujhe pyar karti ho toh kal colg white dress pehan ke aana...
Girl black pehan ke aayi...
Boy - tu jab jhuki toh Maine dekh lia ki tu mujhe andar se pyar karti h
_______________________________________________________
Heights of tv ad - ladki cheekh rahi thi aur villian paaglon ki tarah uske dress ke button kholne ki koshish kar raha tha, bt fer bhi button nai khul rahe they
Background voice aati h - gopal button wale...appki maa behan ki izzat ke rakhwale
_______________________________________________________
Shohar 1st night pe biwi se - tumne kabhi koi gandi movie dekhi h?
Biwi - haan
Shohar - bas humne phir waise hi karna h
Biwi - toh baaki 2 ladkon ko tum bulaaoge ya main call karun?
_______________________________________________________3 ladkian class mein baat kar rahi thi -
Sanam : Maine sir ki table par condom dekha
Salma - maine usmein ched kar dia h
Shazia - marwaa dia kutti saali
_______________________________________________________
Husband ne magazine padte huye paas leti biwi ki choot mein ungli kardi
Biwi - oh jaanu sex ka mood h kya?
Husband - nai page palatne ke liye ungli geeli ki h
_______________________________________________________
Ek call girl ladke ke upar baithke sex kar rahi thi
Ladka - ek din mein kitna kamaa leti ho?
Ladki - 5000
Ladka - sach bataao
Ladki - rozi pe baithi hun...jooth nai bolungi
_______________________________________________________Guptaji toh shopkeeper - koi aisi scheme nikaalo ki 500RS ki shopping pe sex free
Shopkeeper - lo AAP ko pata hi nai, yeh scheme toh last month thi aur bhabhiji ne iska 8 baar labh uthaaya
______________________________________________________
Baba sexidas ek din gareeb logon ke upar apne vichaar prakat kar rahe they - gareeb aadmi ki bhi kya zindagi hoti h...pant kharidta h toh joote fatt jaate..joote kharidta h toh shirt fat jaati h...sab kuch ek saath kharidta h toh gaand fat jaati h..
______________________________________________________
Sindhi suhagraat mein dheere dheere wife ki panty utar raha tha..
Wife - ae ji kya dekh rahe ho?
Sindhi - kapda acha h...90meter ka toh hoga?
_______________________________________________________
Grandson - dadaji aapke daant h par dadiji ke kyun nai?
Dada - beta Maine doodh bot peeya h aur Teri Dadi ne ganna bot choosa h
_______________________________________________________Sharaab pee ke Santa full tight tha aur achanak neend mein rone laga...mera kho gaya mera kho gaya
Santa's wife - chup chaap so jaao aur meri panty mein se haath hatao
_______________________________________________________
Sex karne ke baad husband bola - darling..balance khatam ho gaya...
Itne mein padosi ka bachha apni chaddi utar ke bola - aunty Vodafone ka chota recharge chalega?

hindi non veg chutkule


BE A FRIEND LIKE WOMAN'S BRA
COLOURFUL
COMFORTABLE
STRETCHEABLE
SUPPORTIVE
HOLDING TIGHTLY
NEVER LET GO DOWN
ALWAYS NEAR THE HEART

Pappu: Dad, today they taught
about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his
penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad....

There are 2 girls in heaven first girl:
how did you die 2nd girl: well i froze
everything waz really cold but then
it got warm how did u die first girl:
well i was sure my husband was
cheetin on me so i came home early
from work one day and he was sittin
on they coach watchin t.v. but i was
so sure i ran around the house and
checked inb closets and underbeds.
then i had a heartattack 2nd girl :
well if you would have looked in the
freezer we both would have been
alive!!!!

A young girl came back to Doctor and
complained, "Doctor, last time you did
my abortion, you forgot your sharp
blade inside of me,"
Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"
Girl, "No but my eight friends went
impotent, ten of them lost their
fingers, and four of them went dumb.

4 stages of relationship:
- Hand in hand.
- Hand in that.
- That in hand.
- That in that.
If you know what i mean..

An 18 year old Girl got PREGNANT. Her
Angry mother says-Who's the PIG?
Call him..
30 min later a limousine car stops in
front of their house & a Mature grey
haired in a very Expensive SUIT steps
out.
Man:Ur daughter has informed me of
the Problem, howevr I can't Marry her..
But if a GIRL is born I offer a villa & 2
million dolrs.
If a BOY is born den 2 factories & 5
million dolrs.
But in case of Miscarriage, what do u
suggest I do?
Mom-FUCK HER AGAI

A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the
train.
The Lady next to him asked, "Are they
ur BABIES?"
The Person said: NO! I Own a Condom
Factory
& these are Customer's Complaints!

Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
Lady Next To Him- What A Co-
incidence, Even I Have Ordered
Kingfisher.
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4
Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A Coincidence
I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens
Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock .
Lady SMILED & Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE...!!!!!!!

Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,
how will my wife have a baby?
Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)
An angel will come from heaven &
hand
over a baby to your wife.
Student: so who do I need to fuck ??
wife or angel ?

A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to
God : I can't live with this long penis..
God : Go to that Lake,
U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to
Marry u,
she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.
He Went & asked the Frog : will u
Marry me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches.
He thought 20 inch is still Long.
So he asked again : will u Marry Me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches More.
He thought 15 inch is Great,
But 10inches is Ideal
So he asked again : will u Marry me?
Frog : How many Times do I have to
tell u?
NO! NO! NO!
khel khatam
laude lag gaye !

4 Gals take lift in a Car full of
Engineers
Since no place, sat on their lap
After 10min
...Grl1:r u Telecom Engr
Boy1:how u know
Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit
my Unreachble area
Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?
Boy2:how u know?
Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to
connect wit my USB Drive
Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?
Boy3:how u know?
Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move
into my Cylinder
Grl4: r u Civil Engr?
Boy4:how u know?
Girl4:ur Dam had broken &
flooded my Village;)

11 year old girl realized growing hair
between her
legs. Got worried and yelled Mom
about hair. Mom
calmly said. "That part where hair
has grown is
called a monkey, be proud that your
monkey has
grown hair."
Next morning at breakfast she told
her elder sister
"My monkey has grown hair"
Her Elder Sister smiled and said.
"that's nothing, mine started eating
banana's."

A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is
it OK for us guys to notice all the
different kind of boobs?"Surprised,
the father answers, "Well, sure son,
we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
there are all kinds of
breasts.Depending on a woman's
age, they are different shapes.In her
twenties, a woman's breasts are like
melons, round and firm. In her
thirties to forties, they are like
pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like
onions.""Onions, Dad?""Yeah, you
see them and they make you cry!" 

Latest News: Arvind Kejriwal has
stopped wearing his underwears
bcoz...
He can't wear VIP underwears as
they have VIP written on them.
He can't wear Rupa since people
would say he always keeps Rupa
around his private parts, and in
Delhi that's a dangerous thing to do.
Or Jockey as horse riding is a rich
man's pastime.
He can't wear Macroman since he is
a common man.
He can't wear Dixcy since he does
not want people to see his d***
And he can't go commando since he
has refused security.
So now all he needs is cover his
private parts with mango leaves to
prove that he is a "aam" admi and
his protection is the aam.

ho out of control 
pent ko tu apni khol 
Choom k tu uska hole 
dalde tu apna pole. 
Lund ghusa, ball daba, 
gaand maar k bol DARLING AAL IZZ WELL. :-D

very funny non veg joke in hindi


Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team
Antakshari
Khel rahi thi
Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi
Dikhayenge,
Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum
Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao

Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar
chhodne ja raha tha.Jab bhi aunty
ke boobs uski peeth se lagte, wo
kehta : "Na pintu na, ye aunty
he."Ghar pahooch ke Aunty boli :
"Tu kis pintu ke sath baat kar raha
tha?"Ladka sharma ke bola :"aapke
nipples bar bar takra rhe the,, Mera
penis bar bar khada ho raha tha, to
me use samajha raha tha ke pintu
khada na ho, yeh to Aunty
hai."Aunti boli : "Dhutt pagle,Aunty
to mai teri hu,Pintu ki nahi…. chal
andar"

Most BOYS don't lyk
Touch screen mobile,
U know why?
Jinhe dabane ki aadat
ho,
Unhe bas touch karne
me kahan maza aayega...!!!!

Azam Khan- Sirji election time kitna
boring hai, chalo kuch game khelte
hain...
Mulayam- Chal dekhte hai hum
dono mein se sabse bada bakchod
kon hai..!

Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha
Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”
Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”
Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”
Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“

Ek jungle mein sare male janwar
female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte
rahte the.. !!Saari female jaanwar
mil ke Brahmaji ke pass gayi aur
vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek
mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti
miley !Bramhaji ne SAB male
janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko
token de diye aur boley ki ek
mahiney ke baad token lanaa aur
apna-apna lund le jaana.. !Shaam ke
time Bandar ped pe baitha
tha..Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue
kaha:"Chodsaaley,bhenchod ! Ab
chod naa mujhe"?Bandar kuch nahi
bola.Bandariya fir boli"Chod na
Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.."!!
Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur
bola:"Ek maheena ruk ja
haraamzaadi ! Maine Haathi ka token
churaya hai..."!!!

The best ever English to hindi
dictionary for guys:
xcuse me= sun chutiye;
stupid= abe gandu;
get out=Nikal bhosdike;
I m in problem = Yaar loude lag gaye;
I am scared= gaand phati hui hai yaar;
Where r u= Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai;
Would u like to have this= lega laudu;
Not possible!!!= chal bhosdike;
He is a very bad person= Bada madarchod hai;
I'm sorry = maa chuda;
Where r u? = kahan gaand mara raha hai?;
I 4give u! = muh mei le le;
No = ghanta;
Too small= jhaant barabar;
Too big= gaand faadu;
Difficulty= gaand faat gayi;
We rock= maa chod di;
And finally the best one:
Dost= laude......

Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"
.
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hai
.
Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu
Rahe Ho?"
.
Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se
Iccha Thi
Ki Main Sex Education College Mein
Padhu! Aaj

Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa
Raha Hai"
.
Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki
Zarurat Nahi Hai,
Condom Ki Defination Bolo?"
.
Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything
Which Reduces
Population"
.
Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"
.
Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population
Control
Kare!""
.
Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,
Condom Hai Na"
"Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah
Tak,Condom Hai Sir"
"Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire
Hue Hai"
"8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh
Tak, Sab
Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"
"1 Second Mein In,1 Second Mein
Out, In-Out,
In-Out"
.
Teacher: "Arre... Defination Kya
Hai?"
.
Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"
.
Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab
Likhoge?"
.
"Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se
Lekar Subah
Tak!
Idiot""Anybody Else??"
.
Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between
Any
Combination Of Body So Connected,
That Their
Relative Positions May Be Seen In
Kamasutra.
.
."Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."

Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..Piche se
Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi
Hota..Condom Zarur Lagana Mere
DostQki..Sex k Waqt POPAT Ke Pass
Dimag nahi hota. 

Non veg jokes in hindi language

Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi,
Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar RahaThha,
Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi,
Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne
Puchha. Tum Itna Cheekh
Kyun Rahi Ho?
Wife:Bahar Tere Dost
Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh
Rahi Hoon

Sex kya hai;
Sex ek kala hai, Jo kare uska bhala
hai
Sex ek bhavna hai, jisko pura kurne
ki sabki kaamna hai
Sex do atmaon kaa milan hai, sadiyo
se jiska chalan hai
Sex maja hai, Jo na kare uska jeevan
ek saza hai
Sex bhakti hai, jisme subki mukti hai
Sex ek jaap hai, jisko na jupna
mahapaap hai
Sex amrut hai, poora jeevan jisse
trupt hai - Dirty Sex

Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
'COKE' 'PEPSI'
Sab Bakwas
"MARD Ki LASSI"
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.

Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
nahi lete maro mat!
Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
karna kya hai?

Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski
saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi
suhagraat?
Woh boli-
"Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 aur vote...

Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.

MARD hone k 6 fayade:
1. 'Un Dino' ka tension nahi hota.
2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi
rahta(.)(.)
3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki
bhavnaye nahi jagti.
4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.
5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.
6. And above all, jaha chahe waha
moot sakte h.
IF U R MEN.!
Jiyo L**D utha k...

क्या आपको पता है महिलाओं की 'वो' 7 बातें

ज्यादातर मर्दों को महिलाओं के बारे में उतना ही पता होता है जितना वो देखते या सुनते हैं. उन्हें औरतों के रहस्यों के बारे में कुछ भी नहीं पता होता है. महिलाओं के संदर्भ में एक बात हमेशा कही जाती है कि वे रहस्यमयी होती हैं. उनके दिल में कई ऐसे राज छिपे होते हैं जिन्हें वो किसी से शेयर नहीं करती हैं.

अगर किसी मर्द को ऐसा लगता है कि उसे किसी महिला के बारे में सबकुछ पता है तो ये उसकी गलतफहमी हो सकती हैक्योंकि ऐसी बहुत सी बातें होती हैं जो महिलाएं किसी को नहीं बतातीं.

इस बात के कई वैज्ञानिक आधार भी हैं. ऐसे में कई ऐसी बातें होंगी जो आपको महिलाओं के बारे में नहीं मालूम होंगी. यहां ऐसी ही 7 बातों का जिक्र है:

1. एक औरत दूसरी औरत से भी प्यार करती है

आमतौर पर औरतों को औरतों का दुश्मन माना जाता है लेकिन कम ही लोगों को पता होगा कि एक औरत दूसरी औरत को भी प्यार करती है. औरतों को किसी स्टाइलिश महिला को देखना बहुत पसंद होता है. कई बार ये पसंद क्रश का रूप भी ले लेती है.

2. वे भी घूरती हैं

हाल में ही हुए एक सर्वे में ये बात सामने आई है कि महिलाएं अपने पूर्व प्रेमी को घूरती हैं. हां लेकिन प्यार के चलते नहीं. उन्हें ये देखने में बहुत दिलचस्पी होती है कि उनका एक्स किसके साथ है, उसके साथ वाली लड़की देखने में कैसी है और उसके रहन-सहन में क्या बदलाव आया है.

3. महिलाओं को भी पसंद होता है पोर्न देखना

शायद ये जानकर आपको आश्चर्य हो लेकिन ये सच्चाई है किमहिलाएं भी एडल्ट फिल्में देखती हैं. हालांकि वो कभी भी इस बात को स्वीकार नहीं करती हैं.

4. उन्हें अपने शरीर से बहुत प्यार होता है

मर्दों की तरह, अकेले होने पर या फिर कोई काम न होने पर उन्हें अपनी बॉडी को एक्सप्लोर करना अच्छा लगता है.

5. अकेले होने पर...

अकेले होने पर महिलाएं वो सबकुछ करना पसंद करती हैं जो वो किसी के होते हुए नहीं कर पाती हैं. कई बार ये चीजें बड़ी ही अजीबोगरीब होती हैं. मसलन, शीशे के सामने बिकनी पहनकर नाचना या फिर तरह-तरह के पोज बनाकर तस्वीरें लेना.

6. ईर्ष्या करना 

कई ऐसी औरतें जो जल्दी मां नहीं बनना चाहती हैं उन्हें अपने महिला होने का दुख होता है. इस बात को लेकर उन्हें अपने पार्टनर से ही ईर्ष्या होती है. केवल प्रेग्नेंसी की बात नहीं बल्क‍ि उन्हें ये भी लगता है कि पीरियड्स के दर्द से केवल वो ही क्यों गुजरती हैं, वो चाहती हैं कि उनके पति भी ये दर्द महसूस करें.

7. राज जानने की इच्छा

महिलाओं को हमेशा लगता है कि उनका पार्टनर कुछ न कुछ उनसे छिपाता जरूर है. इस 'कुछ' को जानने के लिए वो हमेशा बहुत उत्सुक रहती हैं.

Click here to read more: 

Friday, 15 January 2016

Chutkule non veg

Sardarni:Aaj jub mai apni bra utar ri thi tab ek larka muje dekh raha tha. Sardar:Phr tumne kya kia? Sardarni:Maine bra se apna mou chupa lia...:D

1st Goes here Still a Virgin? Bcoz NO-KIA Why no Kiya? Bcoz no eric-son Why no erection? Bcoz no sie-mens, Why? Bcoz No mota-laura So looking for a re-alliance?

Girl to baba: Baba yeh LUND kaisa hota hai? Baba:Koi Chota,Koi Lamba, Koi Mota, Koi Patla, Koi Sakht or Koi Narm. Girl: Baba Lagta hai sari umar gand marwate rahe ho

1st Goes here Still a Virgin? Bcoz NO-KIA Why no Kiya? Bcoz no eric-son Why no erection? Bcoz no sie-mens, Why? Bcoz No mota-laura So looking for a re-alliance?

Mom! jb Boyfrnd BRA me hath dale to kehna DONT aur jab Pant meh hath dale to kehna stop Next day Girl ! Mom usne done me ek sath hath dale maine kaha DONT STOP

Old man 2 a gashti Old man:- Jado Jawani wala jor c ve jalma, FUDI bhiri LUN gol c ve jalma, LUN utte chadya NIRODH c ve jalma, TATTE karde kalol c ve jalma. Gashti:- 'Hun ni jawani wala jor ve jalma, FUDI Khulli LUN kamjor ve jalma, LUN utte chad da

Aurat apny Breast ko zor zor se hilany laggi Phir apny Bachy ko Dood pilany lagi Husband: Yeh kia ker rahi thi? BV: Sharma k! G wo Milkshake Bana rahi thi

What do 2 sardars says to each other if they share the same girl? Ans: assi tussi same pussy, kabhi tu ghussy kabhi mein ghussy.

1 purani havelimai band kamre me dhool se bhari tasvir k peechay lagay jalaay me phasi makri k moo mai dabi makhi k per pai behte jaraasim ki qasam I MISS U

Mr. Chu from China and Mr. Ti-Ya from Korea came to islamabad to start a construction company but no one came. they became worried that why their company CHU-TIYA and company failed?

Gandoo ki 3 nishaniyan: 1. Hamesha bewaqt miss call dega. 2. Gande Gande SMS muskra kar parhe ga. 3. Dont scroll down: Jis baat ko mana karo wo zaroor kare ga.

Ghadi ditergent tikiyya walo k yahan beti ke rishte ke liye line lagi hui thi.. Kyuki..unka dava hai PEHLI ISTEMAL KARO PHIR VISHWAS KARO....

Kudiyan kudiyan kardey kardey tusin- jawni ch he buddhey ho jana, ena bhanchodian da tan kuch ni jana..par saleyo tusi mutth maar maar k kubbey zaroor ho jana..

AAP KI CHUT MAIN HUM UTRANE LAGE.. JIS KADAR AAPSE HARARI CHUDAI HUI.. JISM SE CHUT MAIN HUM UTRANE LAGE... AAPKE CHUT KO HUM CHODNE LAGE....

Top 10 Hottest pictures on Instagram

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Non veg bihari joke on rape

सभी मैसेज का बाप 👇👇

😝😝😂😂😂😜😂
जज: तुमने इसका रेप क्यों किया?
बिहारी: हमने रेप नहीं किया, मैडम ने खुद बोला करने
को।
जज: क्या बोला तुमको?
बिहारी: मैडम कोई टॉफ़ी खा रही थी, मैंने
टॉफ़ी का नाम
पूछा तो बोली, "आ पेल ले बे, (Alpenlibe)
तो हमने
भी पेल दिया ससुरी को।"                            😜😜😜😜😜😜

Friday, 8 January 2016

Gf vs Bf non veg insult joke

Girl Apny Boyfriend Se: Main Maa
Banne Wali hooon!!
Bf: Nahii
GIRL:
.
.
.
.
Abey
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sun to ley
Tere Baap Ne Mujhe
Propose kia hai, Mai teri Maa
Banne
Wali
Hun
wana fun

Beautiful girl vs taxi driver dirty joke

Ladka ladki ko pataa ke car me
jungle le gaya.

Ladke ne sex shuru kiya to ladki
boli: "Mein bataana bhool gayi ki
mein Prostitute hu aur ek baar ke
500 leti hu."

Ladke ne majburi me paise diye fir
Start ho gaya.

Karne ke baad ladka cigarette
peene laga.
.
Ladki: "Chalo, waapas nahi jaana
kya?"

Ladka: "Mein bataana bhool gaya
tha ki mein Taxi Driver hu aur
yaha se shahar ke 800 leta hu."  

Non veg jokes hindi

Apni Sali Ke Saath Sex Karne Ke BaadJija Bola
Jija: Tum Apni Didi Se Zyada Majaa Deti Ho
Saali Udaas Hote Hue: Dekhiye Na Jijaji, Fir Bhi Mere Pati Kahte Hai Tumhari Didi Jyada Maja Deti Hai
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­---
Pati Ka Sex Karne Ka Mood Thha Office Se Ghar Aate Hue Bazar Se Condom Le Aya
Ghar Aaya To Patni Ne Us Se Pucha
Patni: Ye Condom Kitne Ka Hai?
Husband: 10 Rupe Ka
Patni: Hey Bhagwan, Mehngayi To Dekho, Jab Main Saatvi Class Mein Thhi Tab 50 Paisi Ke 3 Aate Thhe
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­-
Ek Premi Joda Park Mein Bethe Thhe Aur Apas Mein Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe
Ladki Ne Apne Premi Ke Pyar Ki Parakh Karte Hue Us Se Puchha.
Ladki: Agar Tumhe 8 Boobs Mile To Kya Karoge?
Ladka Khushi Se Jhumte Hue: Main Use Ji Jaan Se Dabaunga… Chusunga… Chaatunga… Uspar Latak Jaunga…
Ladki Ye Sun Kar Gusse Se: To Wahaa Udhar Ek Kutiya Soyi Hui Hai, Chal JaaAur Shuru Ho Jaa
--------------- ­--------------- ­------------
Santa Apni Girlfriend Ke Boobs Choos Raha Tha
Girlfriend Ko Maja Aa Raha Tha Excited Hoke Boli
Girlfriend: You Want Anything Else?
Santa Masumiyat Se: Agar Do Parle G Ke Biscuits Aur Mil Jaate To Maja Hi Aa Jata
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------
Ladka Ladki Se Puchta Hai: Shaadi KeBad Vidayi Ke Time Ladkiya Roti Kyu Hai?
Ladki: Abe Ullu, Agar Tujhe Pata Ho Ki Koi Tujhe Ghar Se Door Le Jake Kar Sari Rat Teri Gaand Marega To Tu KyaNachega
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­-----
Baba Se Unke Ek Bhakt Ne Pucha
Bhakt: Baba Ji, Hamare Haath Mein Lakeere Kyu Hai?
Baba Ji Ne Jawab Diya: Bachha Isliye Hai Taki Muth Marte Hue Lund Hath Se Slip Na Ho Aur Grip Bani Rahe
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­------
Ultimate Truth Of Life Is Success Kisses You In Private
But…
Failure Always Fucks You In Public
--------------- ­--------------- ­-----------
Tension - When Wife Is Pregnant.
Terror - When Girlfriend Is Pregnant.
Horror - When Both Are Pregnant.
Tragedy - When You Are Not Responsible For Both.
--------------- ­--------------- ­---------------
Why Is Penis Always Sad?
1. His Hairstyle Is A Mess.
2. His Relatives Are Nuts.
3. His Neighbor Is An Asshole.
4. Whenever He Gets Up, He Vomits and Faints.
--------------- ­--------------- ­-------------
Girlfriend and Boyfriend Hotel Mein Sex Karne Ke Liye Gaye
Jaisi Hi Vaha Jake Ladki Ne Jeans Utari To Panty Mein Se Hariyali Najar Aayi
Ladke Ne Ghabrate Hue Puchha: Abe Ye Kya Hai??
Ladki Sharmate Hue: Oh Shittt, Raat Ko Mooli Nikalana Hi Bhool Gayi
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­-
Santa Aur Ladki Ke Bich Suni Gayi Ek Baat
Girl: Sir, What Do You Prefer? Breasts Or Legs?
Santa khush hote hue: Pussy
Girl slapped and said : Saale Tu Randi-Khanne Main Nahi Khada, Yeh KFC Ka Counter Hai
--------------- ­--------------- ­--------------- ­----
Sex Peroid Mein Teacher Ne Bacho SePucha:
Tum Us Aadmi Ko Kya Kahoge Jo Condom Use Nahi Karta
Classroom Ke Sare Students Zor Se Bole: Daddy, Daddy, Daddy
--------------- ­--------------- ­------------
Q. Why Do Women Watch Porn Movie Till The End?
A. Because They Think That The Guy Will Marry The Girl In The End.
--------------- ­--------------- ­---------
Bar Girl Dancing, Public Clapping
She Removes Her Top, More Claps
Removes Her Skirt, Louder Claps
Removes Her Bra N Panty, Total Silence ????
Moral: You Cant Clap With 1 Hand (Kyunki Ek Hath Se Kabhi Tali Nahi Bajti)
--------------- ­------------

Thursday, 7 January 2016

Latest Non veg 18+ adult shayari 2016

1. Jab Tere Chikuu Thhe, Sab Tere Pichhu Thhe,

Jab Tere Aam Huye, Sab Pareshan Hue,

Jab Tere Kharbuje Huye, Bade-Bade Ajube Hue,

Jab Tere Jhool Gaye, Sab Tujhe Bhul Gaye.

2. Majnu Ne Khuda Se Poocha: “Aye Khuda Tune Ladki Ki Kamar Kaisi Banai Mitti Kam Pad Gayi Ya Rishwat Thi Khayi”

Khuda Ne Jawaab Diya: “Na Mitti Kam Pad Gayi Na Rishwat Khai Kamar Dabai Tabhi To Chuchiyan (.) (.) Bahar Aayi“

3. Nigahon Se Nigahein Mila Kar To Dekho
Kabhi Kisi Ladki Ko Patta Kar To Dekho

Hasratein Dil Mein Dabane Se Kya Fayda
Apne Haathon Se Zara Daba Kar To Dekho

Aasmaan Simat Jayega Tumhare Aagosh Mein
Ladki Ki Taangen Phaila Kar To Dekho

Agar Ye Na Kar Sako To Haar Mat Manna

Do Boonden To Zaroor Girengi Yaaron
Zara Apne Lund Ko Hila Kar To Dekho.

4. Kaitrina Kaif Or Aishwarya Ka Noor Aap Par Barse,
Har Koi Aapke Sath Sone Bhar Ko Tarse,
Bhagwaan Kare Aapke Jeevan Mein Aaye Itni Ladke,
Or Aap Hamesha Apni Panty Pehan Ne Ko Tarse,

Harami ladka dirty 18+ joke

आज का फालतू ज्ञान:
अगर ज्यादा मुठ मारने से आपका लंड टेढ़ा हो गया है तो...
.
.
.
.
.
.
घबराने की ज़रुरत नहीं है। चूत ही तो चोदनी है, कौन सा स्नूकर खेलना है।
--------------------

Boy vs Girl chating on facebook and then Blocked funny joke

A Boy and a girl chatting on facebook...

Girl: Din bhar facebook pe online rehta hai, chutiya hai kya ?

Boy: Tu hogi chutiya... tera baap chutiya, teri maa chutiya... tera pura khandaan chutiyaa... aur fb tere baap ka hai kya..????
Girl (after 3-4 minutes): I was asking about holidays...vacations....

Blocked....
------------------

Santa vs Banta latest jokes

Banta: Tera Birthday kab hai?

Santa: Next week, Why?

Banta: Tujhe ghar ki windows ke liye parde gift karne hai. Teri wife ko tere saath sex karte hue dekh-dekh ke bore ho gaya hun.

Santa: Tera Birthday kab hai?

Banta: Next month, Why?

Santa: Tujhe binoculars gift karni hai, taaki tu dekh sake ki wife kiski hai.

Sometimes Santa also rocks!!!
--------------------

Best jokes on sardar ji

😱OLX का मालिक आत्महत्या करने वाला है ....

क्योंकि एक SARDAR ने अपना "2014 का केलेंडर" बेचने के लिए Olx पे डाल दिया है।
......साला बोलता है यहाँ सब कुछ बिकता है !!!!
..ले अब बेच के दिखा ?😬
😂😂😂😂❤SARDAR rocks❤
    OLX shocked...

: सरदारजी जब EXAM देने गए तो वो अपने साथ PLUMBER को क्यों ले गए ?

क्यूंकि सरदारजी को खबर मिली थी की पेपर LEAK हो गया है I

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार फ्लाइट में पायलट का हैडफ़ोन छीन रहा था I

पायलट : "ये क्या कर रहे हो ?"

सरदार : "अच्छा जी ! टिकट हम ले और गाने तुम सुनो I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदारनी : "प्लीज बाइक तेज़ ना चलाओ मुझे डर लग रहा है I"

सरदार : "अगर तुझे भी डर लग रहा है, तो मेरी तरह आँखें बंद कर ले I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार को चाँद पर भेजने का फैसला हुआ I

आधे रस्ते जाकर सरदार राकेट से कूद गया और चिल्लाया,
"कमीनो आज तो अमावस्या है, चाँद तो होगा ही नहीं I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

एक सरदार को EXAM में कोई सवाल नहीं आता था तो सरदार ने हर सवाल के नीचे
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
लाइन्स लगा दी और लिखा,
"स्क्रैच कर के उत्तर पढ़ लो I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

1 बार 300 सरदार शिप में ट्रेवल कर रहे थे लेकिन सारे मार गए I

कैसे ???????

शिप बीच में खराब हुआ तो धक्का देने निचे उतर गए I

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार जंगल से जा रहा था तो 1 चुड़ैल ने उसे रोक के कहा,
"Ha Ha Ha रुकजा मैं चुड़ैल हूँ I"

सरदार : "मैनु पता है I
तेरी 1 बहिन मेरे नाल ही व्याही है I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार होटल में मुर्गा खाने गया लेकिन मुर्गे का ENGLISH WORD भूल गया I

वेटर : "What would you like to have sir?"

सरदार : "1 प्लेट Egg’s father."

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार : "तुम कितने साल से जलेबी बना रहे हो ?"

हलवाई : "30 साल से I"

सरदार : "बड़ी शर्म की बात है तुम से आज तक जलेबी सीधी नहीं बनी I"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार रॉंग साइड कार चला रहा था तो बोला,
"ओ शीट, आज फिर लेट हो गया सरे लोग वापस जा रहे हैंI"

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

सरदार 1st टाइम प्लेन में बैठा,
जैसे ही प्लेन का अगला टायर ऊपर उठा सरदार पायलट को मारने लगा और बोला,
"साले मैं पहले ही डरा हुआ हूँ और तू स्टंट मार रहा है I"

😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀
😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜

Jokes on new whatsapp group member

थप्पड से डर नहीं लगता है साहब,आजकल सबसे ज़्यादा डर लगता है ?

whatsapp में नये join होने वाले member से ….

सारे OLD message, video, audio repeat करता है और साथ में बोलता है

जल्दी forward करो , मार्केट में नया है.

अब उसको कौन समझाए कि नया तो भाई तू है. हम तो यहां पर Ph.D कर रहे हैं।
〽〽〽〽〽〽

Dirty whatsapp group jokes

100 लड़को से पूछा गया
कि उनको गर्ल्स की ब्रा 👙किस तरह की पसंद हा?

56  ने कहा- सफ़ेद

39 ने कहा- काली

5 ने कहा-

उतरी हुई..😛😜
😂😂😂😂

मुझे खुशी हे की वह 5 लड़के इसी ग्रुप के थे 😳😳😳😀😀😀😞😝

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Bakchod engineering jokes hindi

Ek ladka fail hua to uske papa ne kaha-
.
.
.
.
.
Dekh - dekh us ladki ko dekh wo
Tumhare sath padhti hai,
.
.
.
.
.
1st aayi hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy- Dekh - dekh kya dekh??
.
.
Usi ko dekh - dekh ke to fail hua hu..

Girls vs boys latest funny joke

लड़कियां 10 तरह की Pink लिपस्टिक में भी फर्क
बता देंगी,
.
.
दूसरी तरफ लड़के जो शैम्पू की बजाय कंडिशनर से
बाल,
धोके कहेंगे 'साला झाग ही नहीं हुआ'.

Bakchod kutta latest meme

Bakchod billi latest non veg jokes and memes

Awesome jokes on delhi odd even system

🎥रिपोर्टर :- सर दिल्ली में बढ़ रही छेड़छाड़ की,
घटनाओं पर कैसे काबू पायेंगे ।
👳Kejriwal :-जल्दी ही हम 📝कानून बनाने जा रहे हैं
,
एक दिन पुरुष👦 बाहर निकलेंगे और अगले दिन महिलाएँ ।👧😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Latest hindi whatsapp non veg jokes for groups

[9:25pm, 24/12/2015] Ravish: एक लड़का 👫 और लड़की दोनों जंगल में भटक गए
दोनों ने 4 दिन तक कुछ भी नही खाया
लड़की : आप मेरा rape कर दो
लड़का : क्यों😳
लड़की : साला कुछ तो अंदर जाएगा
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
[9:25pm, 24/12/2015] Ravish: लड़का लड़की के बाप से : मैं आपकी लड़की का हाथ माँगता हूँ.

लड़की का बाप : क्यों..

लड़का : क्योंकि अब मेरा हाथ थक गया है.
[9:25pm, 24/12/2015] Ravish: : जब से तू अलग हुई है ना ""भोसडिकी""......!

ना कभी बैटरी low होती है
और ना कभी बैलेंस low होता है....!!😂😂😂👌👌

😡भडका हूआ आशीक😡

Hindi Jokes on odd even system delhi

ग्रूप में ज्यादा भिड़ होने के कारण निर्णय लिया गया है की

even नंबर वाले सोम ,बुद्ध और शुक्र वार को

odd नंबर वाले मंगल , गुरू , एवं शनि वार को मेसेज करें

और रविवार  को फ्री रहेगा सबके लिय

हा हा हा हा हा हा हा हा हा हा हा हा😂😂😂😂😂

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Lover joke

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