Thursday, 26 November 2015

Best non veg jokes on winters

ठण्ड की ऋतु का 1 फायदा है...
क्या सोच रहे हो ???
बस 1 ही फायदा है कि...
गर्मी नहीं लगती...
शर्दी की ऋतु मुबारक हो...

English Font :
Thand ki ritu Ka 1 Fayda hai...
Kya Soch Rahe Ho ???
Bas 1 hi Fayeda Hai ki...
Garmi Nhi Lagti.

8 से 9 महिने तक तुमने मुझे अवोईड किया,
लेकिन अब तुम मुझे ओर दूर नहीं रख सकते,
आज नहीं तो कल अपनी बाहों में मुझे जरूर लोगे,
With Love...
तुम्हारी पुरानी...
8 se 9 Mahine tak tumhe muje Avoid kiya,
Lekin ab tum mujhe or dur nahi rakh sakte,
Aaj nahi to kal apni baahon me mujhe jarur loge,
With love
Tumhari purani

जिंदगी में एक बात याद रखना...
आपको आँसू पोछनेवाले बहुत मिलेंगे...
नाक पोछने के लिए कोई नहीं आता...
इसलिये अपना ख्याल रखना...
सुबह को जेकेट पहनो,
दोपहर को सनकोट पहनो,
शाम को रेईनकोट पहनो,
रात में कम्बल ओढ लो...
साला समझ में नहीं आता की...
मौसम चल रहा है या "फैशन-शो"
Subah, ko Jacket pehno.
Dopehar, ko Sun coat pehno.
Shaam, ko Raincoat pehno.
Raat me, Kambal odh lo.
Saala, Samajme nahi aata ki...
Mousam chal raha hai Ya "Fashion Show"!!
Winter का जमाना है,
SMS करके आपको सताना है,
मौसम भी दिवाना है,
2-4 SMS आपभी कर दो,
बेलेन्स बचा कर,
नया "स्वेटर" लाना है ??
Happy Winter...

Winter Ka Zamana Hai,
SMS Karke Apko Satana Hai,
Mousam bhi Diwana Hai,
2-4 SMS Aap Bhi Kar Do,
Balance Bacha Kar
Naya "SWEATER" Lana Hai.
अर्ज किया है...
सारी सारी रात गुजर जाती है,
बस इसी कस्मकस में की...
ये साली रजाई में,
हवा किधर से घुस रही है.... !!!
Good Morning & have aNice Day.
Happy Winter Season...

Arz Kiya Hai...
Saari Saari Raat Guzar Jaati Hai
Bas Isi Kasmakash Mein Ki..
Ye Saali Razayi Mein
Hawa Kidhar Se Ghus Rahi Hai..!!
Good Morning & Have a Nice Day.
Happy Winter.
Mujhe Mat Dhundo Is Jahan Ki Tanhayi Mein...
Arey !!!
Thand Bahut Hai Mein To Hun Apani Rajai Mein...
Good Night... Sweet Dream.
Happy Winter Season
मुझे मत ढूँढों इस जहां की तन्हाई में...
अरे !!!
ठंड बहोत है...
मैं तो हूँ अपनी रजाई में..
Good Night... Sweet Dream.
Happy Winter Season

How to make a water bottle bong at home

Things You’ll Need

Chances are that you already have everything you’ll need to make a water bottle bong. That’s the main reason people resort to making such bongs when they don’t have pipes or regular bongs handy. Still, familiarize yourself with what you’ll need before delving into how to make a water bottle bong:
  • plastic water bottle
  • aluminum foil
  • pin
  • scissors
  • steel pipe

    How To Make A Water Bottle Bong In Nine Simple Steps

    Knowing how to make a water bottle bong is sure to come in handy on countless occasions, and it couldn’t be easier. After doing it one time, you shouldn’t even need to refer to these directions again. Also, once you know how to do it, you will be able to teach other people how to make a water bottle bong too.

    STEP 1. Choose A Bottle

    When it comes to selecting a water bottle for your bong, size matters. Don’t use one that’s too large. A 2-liter bottle, for instance, will be far too cumbersome. The goal is to select a bottle that will fill quickly with smoke when you light the bowl, which will allow you to take a hit quickly and effortlessly. At the same time, however, don’t choose a bottle that’s too small. This will make it difficult to generate enough smoke at one time to facilitate a decent hit. There’s no hard-and-fast rule when it comes to choosing a size, but those 16.9-ounce bottles are pretty perfect for this kind of thing.

    STEP 2. Prepare The Bottle

    It’s best to use a water bottle for your bong because it won’t have a sticky residue, which can be an issue with soda pop bottles and the like. If there’s still water in the bottle, pour most of it out. You can leave a little in the bottom, but keep in mind that the smoke won’t be pulled through the water as it would with a regular bong. Some people like to remove the labels from their bottles before turning them into bongs. That’s purely a matter of personal taste, so do what feels right to you. You have to remove the lid, though, as that is where the bowl will be. Go ahead and discard it; you won’t need it.

    STEP 3. Prepare The Foil

    Your bowl will be made out of aluminum foil. Try to use foil that is of a decent thickness to ensure optimal sturdiness. If the foil you have is flimsy, you’re going to want to fold it over at least one time to make it stronger. Whether you fold it up or not, cut it down to a size of about 2.5 inches by 2.5 inches. This will make it the right size to fit into the top of the bottle with room left over for it to wrap around the edges securely. By visualizing how it will be placed in the opening, you should be able to cut it to the right size without any trouble. When it comes to learning how to make a water bottle bong, this is among the most vital steps.

    STEP 4. Apply The Foil

    This is where you make the bowl that will hold your dry herb or tobacco. It’s fairly intuitive, but be sure to take your time. Position the square of aluminum foil over the opening of the water bottle. Press it gently down part of the way into the opening. Use your thumb to give it a rounded shape. As you do this, envision how the dry herb or tobacco will fill it. You don’t want it to spill out or to otherwise create a huge mess, so make sure the bowl is deep enough. Be gentle too, or you could accidentally rip a hole right through the foil. Take the edges that poke out and wrap them down around the lip of the opening. Make sure it folds down far enough so it’s not in danger of slipping off while being used.

    STEP 5. Poke Holes In The Bowl

    Now, your water bottle bong won’t do you a lot of good if there’s no way for the smoke from your tobacco or dry herb to pass through the foil into the bottle. You’re going to need to poke a series of holes into your aluminum foil bowl. A sewing needle or pin works best for this step, but you could probably get away with using the tip of a pair of scissors — just be especially gentle to avoid ripping the bowl. While poking holes with the needle or pin, take care not to place them too close together. This increases the risk of punching a large hole, which will create major problems when you go to try to smoke out of your bong. Also, go slowly while making the holes. You probably won’t need to push them down too far.

    STEP 6. Poke A Hole In The Side

    The next step in learning how to make a water bottle bong is making a hole from which you can inhale the smoke from your dry herb or tobacco. This can be a somewhat ginger operation. You will need to use the same needle or pin to get it started. Before you do that, though, decide which side to make your hole. If you want to hold the bottle with your right hand, make the hole on the left side; if you want to hold the bottle with your left hand, make the hole on the left side. Resist the urge to simply punch the needle through the plastic. Instead, gently start pressing it through. Once it’s all the way through, twist it around a little to make the hole wider. This will come in handy in the next step.

    STEP 7. Enlarge The Hole

    Trying to inhale smoke through an opening that’s the size of a pin isn’t going to work out too well. You need to make it larger in diameter, so get your scissors and press one pointed end into the hole you made with the pin. Again, be as gentle as possible. Forcing it could cause the plastic to split, and then you will have to start all over again. Once the end of the scissors is in the hole, twist it gently around to slowly but surely widen it. A diameter of about one inch should suffice, but again, this is largely a matter of personal preference. It’s better to make the hole too small at first, though, so take your time. You can always widen it. If you make it too big, you can’t backtrack.

    STEP 8. Pack The Bowl

    As you can see, the convenient thing about making a water bottle bong is that it stands upright without any trouble. This makes it really easy to pack the bowl with your favorite dry herb or tobacco. As with packing any type of bowl, don’t overdo it. The tobacco or herb should be pressed in well, but it shouldn’t be overflowing out of the bowl. You can always add more while you are smoking. Keep an eye on the bottom of the foil. If you see pieces of tobacco or herb dropping into the bottle itself, your holes are too large. Cut out a new piece of aluminum foil and repeat the steps above to make one with smaller holes.

    STEP 9. Smoke

    With your aluminum foil bowl packed full of dry herb or tobacco, your water bottle bong is ready to enjoy. Before lighting the herb or tobacco, place your mouth over the hole that you made in the side. Just as you’d do with a normal bong or pipe, light the tobacco or herb and inhale gently. The smoke should be drawn into the bottle and pass through the hole, where you can then inhale it. If you have trouble drawing in enough smoke, you might need to make the mouth hole larger, or you might have packed the bowl too tightly. After doing a little experimenting, you should be able to achieve the perfect balance.

    Additional Tips

    • You don’t have to keep water in the bottle if you don’t want to. The smoke won’t pass through it anyway.
    • Experiment with a few different sizes until you arrive at one that delivers the smoking experience that’s right for you.

    Read more

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Whatsapp jokes india

teacher student से गुस्से में : मैं पढ़ा रहा हूँ और तुम हँस रहे हो । खड़े हो जाओ और सबको बताओ ऐसी क्या बात है ताकि हम सभी हँस सकें...😡😡😡student : सर ये आपको गंडमरा बोल रहा था😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂😂😂

nta Banta Funny jokes
लड़के ने एक लड़की से पूछा - तुम खाली पेट कितने सेब खा सकती हो?
लड़की- मैं 6 सेब खा सकती हूं।
लड़का- गलत। तुम खाली पेट केवल एक सेब खा सकती हो, क्योंकि जब तुम दूसरा सेब खाओगी तो तुम्हारा पेट खाली कहां रहेगा, उसमें पहला सेब जा चुका होगा।
लड़की- सुपर जोक। मैं अपनी फ्रेंड को सुनाऊंगी।
थोड़े दिनों बाद लड़की ने यह जोक अपनी फ्रेंड को सुनाया - तुम खाली पेट कितने सेब खा सकती हो?
लड़की की फ्रैंड - मैं 10 सेब खा सकती हूं।
लड़की- धत तेरे की। अगर तू 6 बोलती तो मस्त जोक सुनाती।

टीचर : Six और Sex में क्या फर्क है ?
स्टूडेंट : बॉल को उड़ाकर ऊपर शॉट
मारो तो Six..
और बॉल को दबाकर नीचे शॉट
मारो तो Sex..😜😜😜
भक्त: बाबा, आज कल की लडकियां अपने बॉयफ्रेंड को डार्लिंग-डार्लिंग क्यों कहती रहती हैं?

बाबा: वत्स, वास्तव में ये लडकियां कहती है "डाल...लिंग, डाल...लिंग". तुम जैसे अज्ञानियों को सुनाई देता है "डार्लिंग-डार्लिंग."😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝
ईसे कहते है नया .. . अब करो फोरवडॅ

Phone rings*
Admin- kon ?
She- M tennu smjhawan ki, na tere bina lgda ji
Admin- will you marry me..?
She- is gaane ko apni caller tune bnane k lea 8 dbae..!

Whatsapp audio jokes in hindi

Click here

Friday, 6 November 2015

Kingfisher Hot Supermodels

non veg jokes english

The teacher asked Jimmy, “Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?” Jimmy replied crying, “Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, “I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!”

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis,” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, “Error. Not long enough.”

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, “Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!” Maria replied, “See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!”

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, “Why on Earth do you need that?!” The little boy says, “isn’t that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn’t get hard?”

Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.

A man and a wife were in bed one morning when the wife said, “I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I was at a penis auction. Long penises were going for $100 and thick penises were going for $300.” The husband asked, “What would mine go for?” The wife replied, “They were giving ones like yours away for free.” The husband said, “I also had a dream last night about an auction where they were selling juicy vaginas for $500 and tight vaginas for $1,000.” “How about mine?” the wife asked and the husband replied, “That was where they were holding the auction.”  

One night, Penis and Balls were sitting in a couch. Penis said to Balls, “We are going to a party. Balls said, “F*ck off, you always leave me knocking.”

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today, than on Alzheimer’s research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? About three inches.

A patient says, “Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat?” The doctor replies, “Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up.”

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy. Jack got a shock, with a mouth full of cock, to find out Jill s real name was Randy.  

A woman walks into a chemist’s and asks if they sell extra-large condoms.  ‘Yes, we do,’ says the sales assistant.  ‘Would you like to buy some?’  ‘No thanks,’ replies the woman.  ‘But if you don’t mind, I’ll wait here for someone who does.’

Sex without condoms is magical… A baby appears and father disappears.

A man calls 911 emergency: ” Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom!” After five minutes, the same man calls back: “It is OK  I found another one.”

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman’s nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. “Is this your husband?” he nervously asks. “No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend, then?” he continues. “No, not at all,” she says, nibbling away at his ear. “Is it your dad or your brother?” he inquires, hoping to be reassured. “No, no, no! You are so hot when you’re jealous!” she answers. “Well, who in the hell is he, then?” he demands. She whispers in his ear: “That’s me before the surgery.”

The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’  The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’

Two sperms are racing to reach the ovule. After a minute, one asks the other, “Hey, how much longer until we reach the ovaries?” The other answers, “Keep swimming, fool! We haven t even passed the tonsils yet!”

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom said, “don’t worry. That part where the hair has grown is called a Monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” At dinner, the girl told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.” Her sister replied, “That s nothing. Mine is already eating bananas.”

My sister asked me to take off her clothes. So I took off her shirt. Then she said, “Take off my skirt.” So I took off her skirt. “Take off my shoes.” I took off her shoes. “Now take off my bra and panties.” So I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, “I don’t want to catch you wearing my things ever again.”

“Boob” is the perfect word. “B” looks like a birds-eye view of them, “oo” look like them face on, and “b” looks like it from the side!

A Bio Teacher Was Telling Her Students: “For The Best Penetrations 6 – 7 Inch Penis Is Best.”

One Of The Girl Asked Her: “Maam, What About 9 Inches?”

Teacher Said: “I Am Telling You About Necessity Not Luxury“

William Sexfear Quote About Women’s Tears
Female Tears And Male Sperms Are So Similar. They’re Always Eager To Come Out And Only One In A Million Is For The Right Cause!

Why Do Women Watch Porn Movie Till The End?

Because They Think That The Guy Will Marry The Girl In The End.

The Sky Was Dark
The Moon Was High
All Alone Just Her And I

Over smart Wife: “If I Sleep With Your Most Loving & Close Friend, What Will Be The First Thought In Your Mind?”
Smart Husband: “You Are A Lesbian“

William Sexfear’s Case Study On Wedding Decisions
Average Marital Life – 30 Yrs
Marriage Expenses – Rs. 2,00,000
Monthly Expense – Rs.15,000
Wife’s Monthly Maintenance – Rs. 3,000
Sex First 5 Yrs – Weekly 3 Times.
Next 5 Yrs  – Weekly 1 Time.
Next 10 Yrs  – Once In 15 Days.
Next 10 Yrs – Once In A Month.
1400 Times Sex In 30 Yrs 4 An Estimated Expenditure Of 66,80,000 + 2,00,000
Spent On Wedding @ 7% For 30 Years As Per Current Fd Interest Rate 29,84,890 = 99,64,890
A Man Spends Rs.7120 For Each Time He Has Sex With His Wife.
Call Girls are Cheaper!

A Very Emotional Lines Said By A True Lover,
After Breaking Up With His Girlfriend
I Want Her Back ……….
And Her Front Too …!

Quote Of William Sexfear
In Today’s Relationship.
You Can Touch Each Other’s Private Parts,
But You Can’t Touch Each Other’s Cell Phones.
Because They Are Sooooooooooo Private?

Question To A Husband: “Do You Talk To Your Wife After Sex?”
Answer: Depends, If I Can Find A Phone.

hindi comedy sms

Ek din boss apne office time se pehle pohonch gaya, wahan pohonch kar
usne dekha ki manager secretary ko kiss kar raha hai..
Boss(ghusse mein) = Kya main tumko ye sab karne ke liye salary deta hun..?
Manager = Nahin sir, Ye sab to main free of cost karta hun….
Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne village me dekh kar ek budha bola,
“ In logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha, ab kya handset bhi le jayege“..
Girl = Main jab bhi apne pados wale ladke ko dekhti hoon, meri bra tight ho jati hai.
Maa Boli = “Kal se bra hi mat pehan, uski pant tight ho jayegi!!”
Girl = Ab bas bhi kro raat ke 12 baje se kar rahe ho or subh k 5:30 baj chuke hai,
thake nahin..?
Boy = Abhi to kuch bhi nahin kiya ab to din raat karunga.
Kyunki mere 3000 msg jo free hai….
Chota kid apni pant kholkr Gf se – tere pas h kya aisa wala?
Ldki-apni skirt kholi aur muskurte hue kaha Maa ne kaha h aisa wala h to waisa wala
boht milega
Utha k Maro to SIX
Leta k Maro to SEX
Bahar Gaya to SIX
Ander Gaya to SEX
Dono Hath Upar to SIX
Dono Pair Upar to SEX
Enjoy ‘IPL’ with ‘ I-pill.
Call Girl Ne Arz kiya:
‘Dheere-Dheere’ Karo Sanam,
Mandi Ka Zamana Hain.IsS Chhoti Si JAGAH Se Zindagi Bhar Kamana Hai”
Sir 2 stud- Sab 1-1 doha sunao,
Pappu pahle tum sunao..
Pappu- Chidiya bathi ped pe,
Usne diya mut, Pintu ki ma ki chut..
Sir- Sabaas very gud,
Ab pintu tum sunao..
Pintu- Kabutar baitha neem par usne diya mut,
Pappu ki ma ka bhosada
Or master ki ma ki chut
A very Clean Poem::
Vo soti rahi main karta raha,
Intzaar us ke jawab ka;
Abhi uske haath me rakha hi tha ke choot gaya,
phool gulab ka;
Usne kaha piche se nahin aage se karo,
deedar mere husn-e-shabbab ka;
Usne kaha bada maja aata hain jab andar jata hai,
kano me ek ek lafz tere pyar ka..

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Lover joke

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