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Hindi jokes sms

ek pagal roz kehta- gulel banaunga panchhi ko maruga
5 mahine pagal khane me ilaaz k bad,
Dr. ne pucha- ab kya karoge?
Shadi
phir?
Suhagrat
phir?
Uski sari utaruga
phir?
Blouse
Oho! phir?
Bra utaruga
My god, phir?
Phir kya! Bra k elastic se gulel banaunga aur panchhi ko marunga.

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admi Dr. se: Dr. saab mai apni Biwi ko c#odta hu to andar jake lu#d teda ho jata hai,
Dr. ko yakin nahi aata, to admi apni Biwi ko clinic me lakar Dr. k samne c#odta h phir bhi Dr. ko yakin nahi aata,
Kuch din baad kisi shadi me Dr apne dosto k sath khada us admi ka mazak uda raha hota hai. "ki is bewakuf ne apni Biwi ko mere samne c#oda"
Dusri taraf wo admi apne dosto k sath khada Dr ko dekh k hansta hai aur kehta hai "yaar ra#di lekar aaya tha jagah nahi mili to iske clinic me c#od diya."
............................................................................................................................
Teacher-"wats ur name"
Santa-"HOLA"
Teacher-"ye kya naam hua"
Santa-"mai HOLI k din paida hua tha"
Teacher-"thank god tum LOHDI k din paida nhi hue"
............................................................................................................................
Sx kar lene k baad boy "janeman ab tumhe wo hoga jise dunia bachcha kahti hai,
girl: meri ch~t k ashiq ma#a#rch#d ab tumhe wo hoga jise dunia aids kahti hai. 
............................................................................................................................

SuperSex
Teacher: Girl se Condom ka full form batao?

Girl :
C : Control
O : On
N : Natural
D : Drops
O : Of
M : Man
DO BOOND ZINDAGI KI

SuperSex
Teacher: Girl se Condom ka full form batao?

Girl :
C : Control
O : On
N : Natural
D : Drops
O : Of
M : Man
DO BOOND ZINDAGI KI

............................................................................................................................
Biwi KO Thpad marne Ke Bad pati Bola_
Admi use hi marta h. jise wo pyr krta h
Biwi NE B 2 Khich K mareOR Dhire
seBoli-ap kya samjte ho mai apse pyar nhi krti.
............................................................................................................................
1Ladki roz gali se guzra karti thi...
apne chehre ko naqab se dhak kar rakhti thi
1ladka uspe marta tha...
shayad wo use dil se pyar karta tha
1din ladki ne us ladke k padosi se pucha.
kaha gya wo aashiq ?
to usne bataya aapko aane me der ho gai
us diwane ki kal rat maut ho gayi
Padosi ne apna farz nibhaya
ladki ko qabr tak le aya
Ladki qabr par rone lagi
apne ansu se qabr ko dhone lagi
Qabr se aawaz aayi
"A KHUDA YE KESA INQALAB AYA Hai
AAJ ME PARDE ME HU OR MERA MEHBOOB BENAQAB AYA Hai...
............................................................................................................................
ek ladke ne mujhe hath laga kar kaha tumhari tangon ke beech me ye kya hai.
mein ne kaha ye lakir.
mein ne uski tangon ke beech mein hath laga kar kaha ye kya hai.
us ne kaha ye usi lakir ka faqeer hai. 
............................................................................................................................
What is tension:
Ladki ne apse lift mangi, Raste me uski tabiat kharab hogai, aap hospital le gye. Dr. Bola aap baap banne wale ho, apko tension!
aap bole mai iska baap nahi! Phir ladki se pucha
Ladki boli yahi baap hai apko aur tension
Phir Police i, apka medical chekup hua
Report i ki aap to kabhi bap hi nhi ban sakte aap ne Khuda ka shukr ada kia, aur aap khushi khushi bahar aa gaye! 
aur phir socha ki ghar pe jo 2 bachche hai
wo kis ka hai. apko phir tenson.
............................................................................................................................
Sardar ga#d silwane mochi ke pass gaya,
mochi ne use 25,000 ka bill diya. 
Sardar ne use 50,000 diye, muchi ne kaha "maine to pachchis mange the aap mujhe pachas kyu de rahe ho?"
sardar bahan ke lau%e tera bill dekh ker meri 
dubara fat gai.
............................................................................................................................

Ek Tapori ICICI Bank me gaya:

Bhenchod, mere ko A/C. kholna hai.

LadyOfficer:  Hello Mister Tamiz se baat kijiye.

Man:  Tamiz ki Maa ki Chut, Account kaun kholega vo bata.?

Lady ne Manager ko Complaint kiya.

Manager:  kya Battamizi kar rahe ho?

Man:  Battamizi ki Maa ka Bhosda Bhadve, Meri 100Crores ki Lottery lagi hai Batao, Account kaun kholega.?

Manager:  Arre Sir, Aap bhi kaha is Randi se baat kar rahe ho, Main yaha kya Maa Chudvane baitha hu…?? 
Plz come Sir..
Moral: Targets are Targets.. 
Tamiz ki ma ka Bhosda.. 

............................................................................................................................

Zindagi Mein Do Cheeze Samaj Nahi Aayi Aaj Tak:

- Pehli: “Ladkiyon Ki Jeans Mein Zip Ka Kya Kaam Hai?”

- Doosri: “Jab Unke Paas Kuch Pakadne Ke Liye Hai Hi Nahi To Wo Bathroom Jane Ke Baad Hath Kyo Dhoti Hai..... ��❓❓❓❓❓

Todays spcl----Dr. Giving Lecture.....!    Sex ke Time Condom use karne se Enjoyment me koi fark nahi padta..!!  
Ek Girl: Polythene me Rasgulla daal ke Choos kar dekh, tab pata chalega, chutiya kahi ka!:

............................................................................................................................
1 aurat 2nd aurat se- kya tum sex karte waqt apne pati se baat karti ho?
She replied- agar unka phone aata hai to kar leti hun..
"aakhir pati hai wo mere..��      
............................................................................................................................
Lady Tcher - Bachho, batao Samosa aur kachori, me kya fark hai ?
Ek Saitan Baccha bola - Madam, Bra pehenogi to Samosa dikhega,
Nahi pehenogi to kachori....!!
new stock
U will love it
............................................................................................................................
Sardar ne railway reservation form me Ling ke samne likha - 8 inch.
Lady clerk - ye kya hae? kato ise
Sardar: kitna?
Lady: pura
Sardar - Maa chudao, Bus se chala jaunga
............................................................................................................................

Husband apne sasural me biwi se: aaj sex ho jaye..

Biwi: Nahi hum papa ke ghar hai..

Hus:To kya mere BAAP ka ghar Randikhana hai jo roz taiyar ho jati hai...!

............................................................................................................................
Marwadi ki wife sex karte hue: Sunoji, Is condom se muze 15vi bar kar rahe  bas bhi karo..
Marwadi: Bawri ho gai hai ke?
Iski expiry date march  2014 hai 
............................................................................................................................

Girl - Aaj Aisa "SEX" Karo Ki Meri Chillane Ki Aawaj Dur Dur Tak Sunai De

Santa Ne CONDOM Par LAL MIRCH Lagai.
Bas Fir kya ....
M.D.H Ka Tadka
Ang Ang Fadka !!

............................................................................................................................

Rah chalti ladki ko dekh kar ladka shayari ke andaz mein bola
Ladka: Kash main tumhare hasen honton ki lip-stick hota
Ladki Ne huste hue jawab diye
Ladki: Shukar karo nahi ho warna roz kisi ke lu*d pe lage hotey.
...................

Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.
Dr.: Ru married? NO
Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO
Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO
To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!

.............................

Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.
Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.
Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,
Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena
MAA CH*D dega !

............................

Sunny leone in Master Chef:
Aaj main Aapko: Kele ka Kofta banana sikhati hoon.
Sabse pehle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
Agar lene mein maza aa raha hai to lete rahein..
Kofte ki Maa ka Bhos*a.. fir kabhi ban jayega!

.............................
A bull was servicing the cows..
Lady asks to manager: How many times can this bull have sex?
Manager replies: 5 to 6 times in a day.
Lady looks at husband: You see?
Husband asks to manager: Is it the same cow every time?
No sir it’s a different cow every time.
Man looks back to wife: you see!

......................................

Ek kutti ki 5 kutte mil kar le rahe the..
Ek aurat apni beti ke sath baith kar unhe dekh rahi thi n achanak si aurat hass padhi.
Beti: kya hua mom….???
Mom: kuch nahi beti bas yu hi jawani ke din yaad aa gaye.

.............................

Use barish achhi lagti thi,
aur mujhe barish me wo…
Use bheegna achcha lagta tha, mujhe bheegti hui wo…
Mujhe wo achhi lgti thi.. Par use koi aur…
Isliye maa c* barish, Aur maa c* woh!!!
Aaj main Aapko ‘Kele ka Kofta’ bnana sikhata hun.
Sabse phle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
.
.
.
Agar lene me maza aa raha hai to lete rahe.
Kofte ki Maa ka Bh***da .. fir kabhi ban jayega! 
..........................

ELECTRICITY SCENARIO
A couple were having sex.. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband: BC Light aa gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Leta Hun!!
Wife: Haan… Main Bhi pehle Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Leti Hun!
Yeh kaam toh baad mein bhi ho jayega.

...........................

Sham diyo se sjaye baithe hai,
khushbu saso me basaye baithe hai,
unki diwangi to dekho,
girl friend raat ko ane wali hai,
aur wo dopahar se hi condom lagaye baithe hai.

.......................
Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.
Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘ch*t’ idhar fekna.

........................

Lady: Ek shampoo please.
Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai?
Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya?
Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo.
Lady: GARNIER de MC. Ga*d ke baal dhone hai.

.....................
Girl: kya tum mujhe apni family se zyada chahte ho..?
Boy: No.
Girl: Kyo?
Boy: Jab main paida huwa to meri Maa ne musibat jheli.
Jab bada hone laga to Baap ne ungli pakad kar chalna sikhaya.
Jab taklif hui to Behan royi,
Jab zarurat padi to Bhai ne saath diya.
Girl: achha Gan*u.. Jab lu*d khada hua to kon kaam ayaa..!
Boy: Mera Dost, Jo ye msg padh raha hai… Jisne muze hilaana sikhaya! 

....................
Golu: Tera baap doctor hai,
fir bhi tu beemar ho gaya..
Kitne sharam ki baat hai..
Molu: BC tera baap Condom bechta hai,
fir bhi tu paida hua na chutiye.

........................
Sex kar lene ke baad
BOY: Jaaneman ab tumhe woh hoga jise duniya BACCHA kehti hai..
GIRL: Ab tumhe wo hoga Jise duniya AIDS kehti hai. 

 ............................. 
Baap bathroom me fisal kar dhadaam se gira.
Haddi toot gayi.
Bete ne poochha: Kya hua Papa?
Baap: Salle MC, Mutth maar ke paani to daal diya kar. 

....................

Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli:
Koi achha password batana….?
Husband: Lu*d.
Wife: Has-Has ke chair parse gir padi
kyuki..
Computer says: Aapka pasword Chhota hai…
.........................

Girl goes on a date.
Worried Mother gives her Condom. 
Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says:
Yahi soch to badalni hau Maa.
Im dating with Julie, So give me Mulie! 

............................

Callgirl marwadi ke ghar se rote hue nikli,
kisi ne pucha kya hua, Paise nahi diye kya kanjuso ne?
Callgirl: Paise?
Zaalimo ne chai tak mere dudh se Banayi..

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Item Reviewed: Hindi jokes sms Description: Rating: 5 Reviewed By: Niharika Singh
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