Thursday, 9 July 2015

Gand Faadu Jokes on Admin

whatsapp वालों ने भी हद कर रखी है

अब कहते हैं

ये सिगरेट🚬 4 ग्रुप में भेजो,
धुआं 💭 admin  की  गाडं से निकलेगा
😜😜😜😜
हद हो गयी.....यार ऐसे थोडी होता है.

Sunday, 5 July 2015

Non veg jokes in english

Quote Of William Sexfear
In Today’s Relationship.
You Can Touch Each Other’s Private Parts,
But…
But You Can’t Touch Each Other’s Cell Phones.
Because They Are Sooooooooooo Private?

Question To A Husband: “Do You Talk To Your Wife After Sex?”
Answer: Depends, If I Can Find A Phone.

Folding Chair & Woman – Both Useless If Legs Closed
Microwave & Girl – Both Get Hot In 15 Sec
Bra & Bar –  Men Go Crazy When They Are Open

Bar Girl Dancing, Public Claping
She Removes Her Top, More Claps
Removes Her Skirt, Louder Claps
Removes Her Bra N Panty, Total Silence ????
Moral : You Cant Clap With 1 Hand (Kyunki Ek Hath Se Kabhi Tali Nahi Bajti)

Compromising With Your Wife.
Doesn’t Mean You Are Wrong & She Is Right.
It Only Means That
Having Sex Everyday, Is More Important Than Your Ego.

Ultimate Abuse Of Boy-Friend And Girl-Friend.
Boy-Friend: “Shut Up You Bitch, Your Pussy Has Been Used More Than Google”
Girl-Friend: “Don’t Talk, You Asshole, I Wear Heels Longer Than Your Dick“

A Million Dollar Advice From William Sexfear
Before Making Any Promise To A Girl, Masturbate Twice, It May Change Your Opinion.

A Business Man Giving Used Condom To His Son To Use As Balloon
After Bursting
Giving It To His Daughter To Use As Hair Band

One Day A Boy Takes His Girlfriend To Eat Pani Puri.
Only To Check Out How Wide Does She Open Her Mouth

Question: “What Is The Difference Between Guilt And  Shame?”
Answer: “Its A Guilt To Sleep With Somebody’s Wife But Its A Shame To Miss Such Opportunity.“

Non veg jokes 2015

1.
Ek Aurat Auto Rukwa Kar Paise Tay Karte-Karte Doosre Auto Mein Baith Gayi.
Pehla Auto Wala Hadbadi Mein Jaldi-Jaldi Se Bola.
Auto Wala: “Ye Kya Baat Hui, Madam? Khada Aapne Mera Karwaya, Aur Chadd Doosre Par Gayi?“

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2.
Ek kutiya ne 4 pillon ko janam diya
Pillon ne pucha papa kahan hai
kutiya boli chup raho kamino
papa jokes ko padhne mein busy hain..

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3.
Boy- I want to sex with u
Girl- Tamij se baat karo
Boy- Alla tala k fazlo karam se khuda ka ye nek banda
ap mohtarma ko arju-e-fitrat se be inteha chodna chahta hai….

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4.
Ek hizde ne armi ke sare test pass kar liye sex test me manager bola aapka to lund hi nahi hai
tab hizda bolta hai manager se
ye bataiye aapko goli chal bani hai ya maa chud bani hai

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5.
Santa comes bleeding.
Banta: What happened?
Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.
Banta: Didn’t u hv anything in ur hands?
Santa: I had. Banta: What? Santa: His wife’s boobs!

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6.
ladki boli 200 loongi, HIL HIL k maza du gi…
ladka bola 100 doonga HIL mein khud lu ga..
ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath se HILA le….

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7.
Lady-Dr.mere pati mujhse Romance nahi
karte..
Dr-ye lo 30 goliyan, 1goli roj khilana.
Lady ne 1 Goli di pati ne us raat romance
kiya..
Agle din usne 2 Goli di, to pati ne khoob jor
se romance kiya..
Teesre din usne puri 27 goliya dudh me dal
ke pila di..
3 din baad, Dr. ne lady k bete se uski maa
ka haal poocha tho beta bola-
Maa mar gayi,
Chachi&mausi hospital me hain,
Kaam wali bhag gayi,
Pados wali aunty ne papa pe rape case
thok diya hai,
Mera pichwada abhi bhi dukh raha hai,
Chota bhai jhaadiyo me chipa hai,
Aur papa garden me nange hokar tommy
ke pichhe bhag rahe hain………

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8.
Ek pagal nanga bazar mein ghoom raha tha
Uska lund bahut bada tha,
Ek aurat ne dekha to boli
Hamara desh tarakki kaise karega
Saare kaam ke admi to pagal hai…..

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9.
Class mein shor ho raha tha teacher nahi tha,
Principal entered in class an asked angrily:
Kis ka period chal raha hai?
4 larkian sharmatay hue: Sir Hamara

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10.
Girl Friend: Mera rishta aaya hai aur shadi hone wali hy.
Boy Friend: That’s Good,
Phir to hum condom ke bina sex kar sakenge…..

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11.
Boy during Sex: Kyun na hum shadi kar lein, phir hum roz aisa kar sakenge.
Girl: Mazdoor ho Mazdoori karo, factory ka maalik ban-ne ki koshish na karo.

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12.
Pati patni sex kar rahe thhe, pati ko kaafi josh chada hua thha,
Patni: “Zara dheere karo kyu Rajhdhani Express chala rahe ho”
Itne mein unka beta bed se nichhe gir gaya aur bola
“Jo marji chalao par passangers ko to niche mat girao“

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13.
Husband ne first night ke baad next day apni biwi se poochha: “Tum aaj tak kitne logon ke sath soyi ho?”
Wife: “Such boloon to sirf aap ke sath hee soyi hoon, baki sabne saari saari raat jaagaye rakha…”

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14.
Badi hasrat thi dil ki,
Kholein unki salwaar ka nara,
Sanam ki berukhi to dekho ki,
Nange hi chale aaye……

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15.
What is the similarity between burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend?
In both cases boy thinks, “Ek minute pehle nikal liya hota to kitna achcha hota”

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16.
Ladki santa ka private saman dekh kar boli: “itna bada”
Santa khushi se bola: “O ji hum punjabi hain hamara to sub kuch hi bada hota hai”
Jab ladki ne apni salwaar utaari to santa uski choot dekh kar bola “Oye! Tusi vi punjabi ho“

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17.
Pathan ek ladki ke saath sex kar raha tha
Ladki boli: “Aur andar, thoda uppar, thoda right, thoda left”
Pathan: “Oye! Tu sex kar rahi hai ya mujhse car park kara rahi hai“

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18.
Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?
Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai……

.....................................................................................................................................................................

19.
SUHAG RAAT WIFE: Piche nahi aage dalte hai
Sardar: Tuje kaise pata?
WIFE: Mera dost mere aage se dalta tha
Sardar: Chup kar mera dost mere pichhe dalta tha????

.....................................................................................................................................................................

20.
A girl was handling a boy’s cock for the first time.
After some time few drops came out, she sked what’s that?
Boy said: “Yeh khushi ke aansoo hai, pagli……”

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21.
Ek Aurat Apne Padosi Ke Sath Sex Kar Rahi Thi K Tbhi Uska Pati Aa Gaya Aur Padosi Ko Pitne Laga Patni Boli: Maro Aur Maro Prai Aurat Pe Hath Dalta Hai Itne Me Padosi Uske Pati Ko Pitne Laga Patni Fir Boli: Maro Aur Maro Na Karta Hai Na Karne Daita Hai………

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22.
Teacher: Why LOVE Is Better Then WAR?
Santa: Madamji, Tusi Itna Bhi Nahi Jante,
Simple,Bcause
CONDOM Is Cheaper Then GUN !!!

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23.
Madam Ne English Period Mein Munni Se Puchha,
Madam: “Translate This Sentence In Hindi – Pappu Gives Me 14 And 15 Rupees”
Munni Sharmate Hue: “Mam, Pappu Ne

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Pure non veg jokes

1.Ek Aurat Auto Rukwa Kar Paise Tay Karte-Karte Doosre Auto Mein Baith Gayi.Pehla Auto Wala Hadbadi Mein Jaldi-Jaldi Se Bola.Auto Wala: “Ye Kya Baat Hui, Madam? Khada Aapne Mera Karwaya, Aur Chadd Doosre Par Gayi?“.....................................................................................................................................................................2.Ek kutiya ne 4 pillon ko janam diyaPillon ne pucha papa kahan haikutiya boli chup raho kaminopapa jokes ko padhne mein busy hain.......................................................................................................................................................................3.Boy- I want to sex with uGirl- Tamij se baat karoBoy- Alla tala k fazlo karam se khuda ka ye nek bandaap mohtarma ko arju-e-fitrat se be inteha chodna chahta hai…......................................................................................................................................................................4.Ek hizde ne armi ke sare test pass kar liye sex test me manager bola aapka to lund hi nahi haitab hizda bolta hai manager seye bataiye aapko goli chal bani hai ya maa chud bani hai.....................................................................................................................................................................5.Santa comes bleeding.Banta: What happened?Santa: Jaggu hit me with hammer.Banta: Didn’t u hv anything in ur hands?Santa: I had. Banta: What? Santa: His wife’s boobs!.....................................................................................................................................................................6.ladki boli 200 loongi, HIL HIL k maza du gi…ladka bola 100 doonga HIL mein khud lu ga..ladki boli to phir ye 100 bhi bacha le aur hath se HILA le…......................................................................................................................................................................7.Lady-Dr.merepati mujhse Romance nahikarte..Dr-ye lo 30 goliyan, 1goli roj khilana.Lady ne 1 Goli di pati ne us raat romancekiya..Agle din usne 2 Goli di, to pati ne khoob jorse romance kiya..Teesre din usne puri 27 goliya dudh me dalke pila di..3 din baad, Dr. ne lady k bete se uski maaka haal poocha tho beta bola-Maa mar gayi,Chachi&mausi hospital me hain,Kaam wali bhag gayi,Pados wali aunty ne papa pe rape casethok diya hai,Mera pichwada abhi bhi dukh raha hai,Chota bhai jhaadiyo me chipa hai,Aur papa garden me nange hokar tommyke pichhe bhag rahe hain……….....................................................................................................................................................................8.Ek pagal nanga bazar mein ghoom raha thaUska lund bahut bada tha,Ek aurat ne dekha to boliHamara desh tarakki kaise karegaSaare kaam ke admi to pagal hai….......................................................................................................................................................................9.Class mein shor ho raha tha teacher nahi tha,Principal entered in class an asked angrily:Kis ka period chal raha hai?4 larkian sharmatay hue: Sir Hamara.....................................................................................................................................................................10.Girl Friend: Mera rishta aaya hai aur shadi hone wali hy.Boy Friend: That’s Good,Phir to hum condom ke bina sex kar sakenge….......................................................................................................................................................................11.Boy during Sex: Kyun na hum shadi kar lein, phir hum roz aisa kar sakenge.Girl: Mazdoor ho Mazdoori karo, factory ka maalik ban-ne ki koshish na karo......................................................................................................................................................................12.Pati patni sex kar rahe thhe, pati ko kaafi josh chada hua thha,Patni: “Zara dheere karo kyu Rajhdhani Express chalarahe ho”Itne mein unka beta bed se nichhe gir gaya aur bola“Jo marji chalao par passangers ko to niche mat girao“.....................................................................................................................................................................13.Husband ne first night ke baad next day apni biwi se poochha: “Tum aaj tak kitne logon ke sath soyi ho?”Wife: “Such boloon to sirf aap ke sath hee soyi hoon, baki sabne saari saari raat jaagaye rakha…”.....................................................................................................................................................................14.Badi hasrat thi dil ki,Kholein unki salwaar ka nara,Sanam ki berukhi to dekho ki,Nange hi chale aaye…….....................................................................................................................................................................15.What is the similarity between burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend?In both cases boy thinks, “Ek minute pehle nikal liya hota to kitna achcha hota”.....................................................................................................................................................................16.Ladki santa ka private saman dekh kar boli: “itna bada”Santa khushi se bola: “O ji hum punjabi hain hamara to sub kuch hi bada hota hai”Jab ladki ne apni salwaar utaari to santa uski choot dekh kar bola “Oye! Tusi vi punjabi ho“.....................................................................................................................................................................17.Pathan ek ladki ke saath sex kar raha thaLadki boli: “Aur andar, thoda uppar, thoda right, thoda left”Pathan: “Oye! Tu sex kar rahi hai ya mujhse car park kara rahi hai“.....................................................................................................................................................................18.Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai…….....................................................................................................................................................................19.SUHAG RAAT WIFE: Piche nahi aage dalte haiSardar: Tuje kaise pata?WIFE: Mera dost mere aage se dalta thaSardar: Chup kar mera dost mere pichhe dalta tha????.....................................................................................................................................................................20.A girl was handling a boy’s cock for the first time.After some time few drops came out, she sked what’s that?Boy said: “Yeh khushi ke aansoo hai, pagli……”.....................................................................................................................................................................

Wednesday, 1 July 2015

Non veg jokes in hindi

motu-bhabhi ak gilas dudh dena. bhabhi-bilauch kar le lo.pio
motu:-ma kasam dudh maga to ye hal hai, agar pani mangta to kya hota.

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1pagal. 1khali paper ko bar-2 choom rha ta
2nd pagal ye kya hai?
1pagal -love letter hai.
2pagal-magar ye to khali hai
1pagal - aajkal bolchal band hai.
.....................................................................................................................................................................
Larki jub saray kapray utaar laiti hay to kia hota hay? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

Taar khali ho jati hay. Yaar kabhi to +ve socha karo... ;-)
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GIRL: Jaano Meray mun mai Daalo, main Choson gi
BOY: Nahi nahi tum kha Gai toh main Kiya Karon ga?
GIRL: Tum Tum Doosri Icecream Le Lena!
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'Pehly hath mein lo Phir mou me lo Phir thook lagao Phir seedha kero Or andar ghusao KITNA MUSHKIL KAAM HY SUI ME DHAGA DALNA
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'Sardar darakht pe ulta latka hua tha..
Dost:Tu darakht p Q latka hai?
Sardar:Yar sir dard ki goli khai thi kahin pet mein na chali jaye.
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Rah chalti ladki ko dekh kar ladka shayari ke andaz mein bola
Ladka: Kash main tumhare hasen honton ki lip-stick hota
Ladki Ne huste hue jawab diye
Ladki: Shukar karo nahi ho warna roz kisi ke lu*d pe lage hotey.
.....................................................................................................................................................................

Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.
Dr.: Ru married? NO
Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO
Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO
To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!

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Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.
Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.
Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,
Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena
MAA CH*D dega !

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Sunny leone in Master Chef:
Aaj main Aapko: Kele ka Kofta banana sikhati hoon.
Sabse pehle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
Agar lene mein maza aa raha hai to lete rahein..
Kofte ki Maa ka Bhos*a.. fir kabhi ban jayega!

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A bull was servicing the cows..
Lady asks to manager: How many times can this bull have sex?
Manager replies: 5 to 6 times in a day.
Lady looks at husband: You see?
Husband asks to manager: Is it the same cow every time?
No sir it’s a different cow every time.
Man looks back to wife: you see!

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Ek kutti ki 5 kutte mil kar le rahe the..
Ek aurat apni beti ke sath baith kar unhe dekh rahi thi n achanak si aurat hass padhi.
Beti: kya hua mom….???
Mom: kuch nahi beti bas yu hi jawani ke din yaad aa gaye.

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Use barish achhi lagti thi,
aur mujhe barish me wo…
Use bheegna achcha lagta tha, mujhe bheegti hui wo…
Mujhe wo achhi lgti thi.. Par use koi aur…
Isliye maa c* barish, Aur maa c* woh!!!
Aaj main Aapko ‘Kele ka Kofta’ bnana sikhata hun.
Sabse phle 1 saaf mota Kela lein.
.
.
.
Agar lene me maza aa raha hai to lete rahe.
Kofte ki Maa ka Bh***da .. fir kabhi ban jayega!
.....................................................................................................................................................................

ELECTRICITY SCENARIO
A couple were having sex.. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband: BC Light aa gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Leta Hun!!
Wife: Haan… Main Bhi pehle Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Leti Hun!
Yeh kaam toh baad mein bhi ho jayega.

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Sham diyo se sjaye baithe hai,
khushbu saso me basaye baithe hai,
unki diwangi to dekho,
girl friend raat ko ane wali hai,
aur wo dopahar se hi condom lagaye baithe hai.

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Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.
Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘ch*t’ idhar fekna.

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Lady: Ek shampoo please.
Shopkeeper: Kya dhona hai?
Lady: Kya matlab kya dhona hai, baal dhone hai aur kya?
Shopkeeper: Head ke baal dhone hai toh HEAD & SHOULDERS aur panty ke baal dhone hai toh PANTENE lelo.
Lady: GARNIER de MC. Ga*d ke baal dhone hai.

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Girl: kya tum mujhe apni family se zyada chahte ho..?
Boy: No.
Girl: Kyo?
Boy: Jab main paida huwa to meri Maa ne musibat jheli.
Jab bada hone laga to Baap ne ungli pakad kar chalna sikhaya.
Jab taklif hui to Behan royi,
Jab zarurat padi to Bhai ne saath diya.
Girl: achha Gan*u.. Jab lu*d khada hua to kon kaam ayaa..!
Boy: Mera Dost, Jo ye msg padh raha hai… Jisne muze hilaana sikhaya!

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Golu: Tera baap doctor hai,
fir bhi tu beemar ho gaya..
Kitne sharam ki baat hai..
Molu: BC tera baap Condom bechta hai,
fir bhi tu paida hua na chutiye.

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Sex kar lene ke baad
BOY: Jaaneman ab tumhe woh hoga jise duniya BACCHA kehti hai..
GIRL: Ab tumhe wo hoga Jise duniya AIDS kehti hai.

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Baap bathroom me fisal kar dhadaam se gira.
Haddi toot gayi.
Bete ne poochha: Kya hua Papa?
Baap: Salle MC, Mutth maar ke paani to daal diya kar.

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Wife computer par kaam karte hue apne pati se boli:
Koi achha password batana….?
Husband: Lu*d.
Wife: Has-Has ke chair parse gir padi
kyuki..
Computer says: Aapka pasword Chhota hai…
.....................................................................................................................................................................

Girl goes on a date.
Worried Mother gives her Condom.
Girl Laughs n Hugs Mother & Says:
Yahi soch to badalni hau Maa.
Im dating with Julie, So give me Mulie!

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Callgirl marwadi ke ghar se rote hue nikli,
kisi ne pucha kya hua, Paise nahi diye kya kanjuso ne?
Callgirl: Paise?
Zaalimo ne chai tak mere dudh se Banayi..

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Population Comparison:
INDIAN: I have 4 sis & 3 bro. What abut U?
AMERICAN: I have no sis or bro.
But I have 4 Moms from 1st dad, 3 dads from 1st mom.

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Boy: Tumhai main zyada pasand hu ya toilet?
Girl: Kya stupid question hai ye?
Boy: Nahi janu batao na?
Girl: Ofcourse tum hi ab batao kyu pucha?
Boy: Toilet k liye to tum foran chaddi utar deti ho,
magar mujhe bahut minnate karni parti hai kyu?
Wah ustad wah, kya kutta dimagh paya hai..
.....................................................................................................................................................................

1.   Woh Mangti Thi Mein Deta Na Tha,
Jawaab Uske Kisi Bhi Sawaal Ka.
Ek Din Uss Ne Manga To Khara Ho Gya,
Rongata Rongata Meray Jazbat Ka
Ek Din Wo Boli Peeche Se Nahi Age Se Karo,
Tum Deedar Mere Husn-E-Shabaab Ka
Bada Dard Hota Hai Jab Ander Jaata Hai,
Kaano Mein Ik Ik Lafz Mere Yaar Ka.
Fir Mene Pyar Se Diya To Choot Gaya
Haath Se Mere Laal Phool Gulaab Ka
Uss Ne Kaha Ke Kar Lo Mager Kisi Ko Na Batana
Bus Chupa Rahe Yeh Afsaana Hamare Pyar Ka
.....................................................................................................................................................................

2. 
Mujrim Ne Apne Pathan Vakeel Ko Kaha: “Koshish Karna Umar Qaid Ho Phansi Na Ho“
Vakeel: “Tum Chinta Mat Karo“
Court Ke Baad
Mujrim: “Kya Hua?“
Pathan: “Bahut Mushkil Se Umar Qaid Karwai, Adalat To Riha Kar Rahi Thi“

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3.
Santa Kisi Kaam Se Apni Biwi Ke Office Jata Hai.
Bina Kisi Se Pemission Liye Wo Sidha Uske Cabin Mein Chala Jata Hai
Waha Dekhta Hai Ki Uski Patni Apne Boss Ki Godh Mein Bethi Hai.
Aisa Dekhte Hi Santa Gusse Se Apni Patni Preeto Se Bola.
Santa: “Chal Ghar Chal Preeto, Aisi Jagah Kaam Nahi Karna Chahiye Jahaan Staff Ke Baithne Ke Liye Ek Chair Bhi Na Ho“
.....................................................................................................................................................................

4.
Do Ladkiyaan Train Mein Safar Kar Rahi Thi,
Ek Ladki Ne Time Pass Ke Liye Dusri Se Puchha
Ladki: “Tujhe Kaisa Pati Chahiye?”
Dusri: “Mujhe Crorepati Chahiye”
Pahli: “Crorepati Na Mile To?”
Dusri: “50 Lakh Ke 2 Pati Chalenge”
Pahli: “50 Lakh Ke Na Mile To?”
Dusri: “25 Lakh Ke 4 Pati Bhi Chalenge”
Uppar Birth Pe Lete Hue Santa Ne Ye Suna Aur Bola.
Santa: “Jab Ye 1000 Rupaye Pe Aaye To Mujhe Bata Dena“
..............................................................................................................5.
Ek Ladies Se Bhari Bus Ka Bada Boori Tarah Se Accident Ho Gaya,
Saari Ladies Mar Gayi,
Sabke Pati Ek-Ek Ghanta Roye,
Santa Do Ghante Roya,
Kyun?
Kyunki Uski Wife Se Bus Miss Ho Gayi Thi.
.....................................................................................................................................................................

6.
Santa Ne Ek Din Badi Udasi Se Apne Dost Banta Ko Bola.
Santa: “Yaar Meri Biwi Gussa Bahut Karti Hai”
Banta: “Meri Bhi Pahle Karti Thi Ab Nahi Karti”
Santa: “Achha, Aisa Tum Ne Kya Elaaj Kiya?”
Banta Muskurate Hue: “Kuch Khas Nahi, Wo Ek Din Gusse Mein Thi, Maine Kah Diya Ke Budhape Mein Gussa Aa Hi Jata Hai, Us Din Se Wo Gussa Nahi Karti“
.....................................................................................................................................................................

7.
Boy-Friend Ne Girl-Friend Ko Call Kari To Usne Kaafi Der Baad Phone Uthaya
Boy-Friend Ne Hairan Hote Hue Puchha: “Arrey Itni Der Se Call Recieve Kyu Nahi Ki?”
Girl-Friend Ne Sharmate Hue Jawab Diya: “Wo Main….. Wo Main, Ringtone Par Naach Rahi Thi“
.....................................................................................................................................................................

8.
Baba Saxidas Ke Ek Bhakt Ne Unse Puchha
Bhakt: “Baba Ji, Ye Love Marrigae Ka Kya Fayda Hai?”
Baba Ji Muskuraye Aur Bhakt Ko Ankh Marte Hue Bole
Baba Ji: “Bacha Simple, Suhag Raat Wale Din Sharmane Mein Time Waste Nahi Hota“

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Cool SMS Collection

Jis chehre Ko dekh haste the
hum,
Aaj ussi ne Rula diya,
Usne To kabhi phone kiya nahi,
Humne kiya To caller tune me kaha...
'TUJHE BHULAA DIYA'
$$

Fursat Mile To Yaad Kijiyega, Hamari V Kami Ka Ehsaas Kijiyega,
Hame To aadat hai Aapko Yaad Karne ki,Agar Disturb Kiya Ho To Maaf Kijiyega.

YOU
ARE
THE
BEST,
HONEST ,
SWEETEST
&
MOST
INTELLIGENT PERSON

NOTE:
Is msg k sabhi shabd kalpanik hai
Iska vastavikta se koi sambandh nahi hai...

Ek Bar K.B.C. Me Amitabh Bacchan Ne Mujhse Puchha
Duniya Ka Sabse Bara Paagal Kaun Hai,Maine 1 Crore Chhod Diya,
Par Dosti Ki Khatir Tumhara Naam Na Liya..:p

Life Icecream Ki Tarah Hai,
Taste Karo To Bhi Pighalti Hai
Waste Karo To Bhi Pighalti Hai

IsLiye Lyf Ko Taste Karo, Waste To Ho hi Rhi Hai.:

Sardar-
shirt ke liye koi badhiya kapda dikaho?
Salesman-
plain me dikha du?
Sardar-abe!hawaai jahaaj me jaane ki kya zarurat hai yehi par dikha do.

Dedicated to All grls- ladko  ko apna dil na dena..
Dil ke jzbat ye kya janenge.. Low waist jeans to sambhlte nhi..
  Hamara DIL kya "GHANTA" smbhalenge ?

Special shayri 4 grls: Hoth se hoth mila kar to dekho, naye logo se rishta bana kar to dekho.
Chucchi bra me chupane se kya fayda,kisi k hatho me inhe
thama kar to dekho. Ungli karne se kab tak hongi tumhari
khushiyan puri, EK bar lund aazma kar to dekho. Aasma bhi niche
utar aayega tmhari chut dekhne, ek
Kabhi Raat Me Tare Gin Kar Dekho
Jitne aap Gin paoge utna aap Mujhe Yaad karte ho
AUR
Jitne baki reh jayenge utna Hum aapko YAD Karte Hai.

Kisi khush nasib ki "takdir ho aap"..,
khwabo se saji "tasveer ho aap"..,
aur kya kahe aapki shaan me hamare hatho me Dosti ki ek "pyari si Lakir" ho Aap.

Kuch pal jhel lo shayd hm fir na mile,
yad kr lo shayd fir waqt n mile,
chale jynge zindgi se itni door k
Haqikat to kya shayd
fir spne m b na Mile.

g se assignment churaye,
Koi cafe mein ake humara lunch kha
jaye,
Har Naagin ke paas jaise nagina hota
hai,
Waise Har ek friend KAMEENA hota
hai.:)

Kavi Suhagraat pe-
Jee karta hai, Tere baalo ko Sahlaau,
Teri bindiya pe Sadke Jaau,
Tere Jhumke se Jhool Jaau.

Wife-
"Chod loge?
Ya Kisi Aur Ko Bulaau.?

Larkiyo ki jb shadi hoti h to unki saheliya kya khti h

1980-Ghabrana mt
wo jo kare,karne dena.
.
.
.
2011-jor se chilana taaki use lage k seal usne todi.

Tcher: Ladki or Ladke me kia faraq ha?
Chintu: Larki 1 saal me 1 he bache ki Ma bn skti ha jb k Larka 1 saal me 365 bacho ka Baap bn skta h

Kuch pal jhel lo shayd hm fir na mile,

yad kr lo shayd fir waqt n mile,

chale jynge zindgi se itni door k

Haqikat to kya shayd
fir spne m b na Mile.

TIPS kese SAVE kre 10PAISA/YEAR
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

ISME BHI INTERESTED HO?

KASAM SE YAAR..HADH HOTI H. KAHA LE JAOGE ITNA PAISA?:D

BILL GATES Says
"I am Not a University TOPER,
But Today ALL UniversitY ToperS are MY EmployeS"

Bas Yahi LINE MUJHE Collage me TOP Karne se ROK Deti he.

Apne rp pr itna ghuroor na kr.

Ye sb 2 din ki "HASTI" hai.

Tere roop me bhi tab tak masti hai.

jab tak

FAIR & LOVELY sasti hai.

Zakhm dene ka andaaz kuch aisa hai,
Zakhm dekar puchte hain haal kaisa hai,
Kisi ek se gila kya karna  yaaro,
Sari duniya ka mizaaj ek jaisa hai.

Arz karte h...

Kbhi Tum gor se dekho Aaina,
Wah wah!!

Kbhi Tm gor se dekho Aaina,
.
.
.
.
.
Khud hi hans kr kahoge-
MADE IN "CHINA"
Wah Wah... ;-):-P

1larki shop per toota lene
gai
Nasir bhai ne toota
dekhaya.
Larki:Is ki khas baat kiya
h? Nasir bhai:Toota bolta h.
Larki.Toote se:Mey kesi
lagti ho?
Toota:
"Bhen ki lodi randi lagti
hai"

Do u remembr ur cute bachpan?
Wen u went 2 toy shop n askd d shopkeepr
"antal antal ye monkey titne ta h?"
Shopkeepr rplyd
"Beta ye monkey nai mirror h!" :

Cute warning:-)

Dont try to understand a person completely...
If u do...
.

U either go mad...
.

Or
.

You Will start loving that person... ;-)


Fruits me baat chal rahi thi..
Santra-mai ball k jaisa lagta hu.
Akhrot-mai to brain k jaisa
Mushroom-mai to umbrella k jaisa
Kela-Plz Topic change karo.

Naye rishte milte hai to log purano ko aksar bhul jate hain,
Magar yeh mat bhulna, jab naye log dil tod jate hain to purane hi yaad aate hain..


Dil me Deep Jalane se Kya fayda ?
rakh me aag Lagne se kya fayda?

Ek Dost ko aati nahi yaad bhi hamari

Jabardasti yaad Dilanese kya Fayda.

Teri pyari si dosti kese bhul jaun,
Pal-pal tumhari yadon me kyon na aaun,
A-dost teri dosti sbse pyari h
Phir tumhe apni yaad kyon na dilaun..

Roshni de kar doob jana suraj se seekho, dil dekar dard lena humse sikho. Bedardi se dil tod dete ho,
SMS na bhejna khud se seekho.good morning

Mohabbatein in STUDENT STYLE
1 ladki thi deewani si,
1 subject pe wo marti thi,
books utha kar chasma lagakar Library se guzarti thi,
kuch padhna tha shayad usko jane kisse darti thi,
jab bhi milti thi mujse, mujse poocha karti thi,
PASS kaise hote hai yaar ye PASS kaise hote hai,
aur main bas itna kehpata tha,
KITABE KHULI HO YA HO BAND PADHNA LAST NIGHT KO HI HOTA HAI KAISE KAHU MAIN O YAARA YE 'PASS' AISE HI HOTE HAI.!"...
.tu ru ru ru ru tu ru tu..:-


Har khushi ko teri Taraf mod du
,Tere liye chand tare tod Du,
Khushiyo ke darwaje tere liye khol  du
,Tu ek bar muskura ke to dikha,Tere saare daat tod du..?


What is a  Mobile??
?
?
?

R u luking for ans?

Ye hath me kya samosa Pakda hai?

My GOD Kaise kaise Namune hai!!
Arey,Ye hi mobile hota hi.

1 Truck dusre Truck ko Rassi se bandh kar le ja raha tha.
Ye dekh Sardar Hass-2 kar Lotpot ho gaya aur kahne laga-1
Rassi ko le jane k liye 2-2 Truck.

1 Saas apne 3 damadon ka pyar dekhne k liye river me kud gai.
.
1st damad ne bacha lia, Saas ne use Maruti di.
.
2nd day fir kudi
.
2nd damad ne bacha lia, to use bike mili.
.
3rd day fir kudi
.
3rd damad ne socha
.
"cycle hi reh gai h, kya faayda?"
.
Aur saas doob gai.
.
.
.
.
Agle din us damad ko mercedes mili!
.
Kaise???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Sasur ne di..!

Funny non veg sms, cool sms, dirty sms, Adult 18+ sms

Hindi non veg jokes

1 sardar ka boot phat gya usne Boot mochi ko
Diya aor kha k es ko aisa siyo k Shakal nazar aaye,
Mochi ne boot mein Shisha laga dia.
1 larki sardar ki shop pe aaye to sardar ne boot us ki taango k neechay kia
aor kha k ap ne neela underwear pehna hai,
Larki heraan ho gai. Next day wo Red underwear pehn gai to sardar ne phir bta dia
3rd day wo underwear pehn kar nahi aaye, jaisay he sardar ne boot rakha to bola :
"oo tohadi pehn nu boot feir paat gya"

......................................................................................................

'Dost' ko 'lowda' kaho ya 'lowde' ko 'Dost' kaho,
koi fark nahi padta

Qki dono hamari khusi k liye waqt par khade rahte hai!

.

.

has mat "LOWDE!"...

......................................................................................................

Ek pathan aur ek Sardar ka interview tha..
.
PATHAN se:
Q: Taleem?
Ans:B.A
.
Q: Pakistan kb bna?
.
Ans:koshish pehle se chal rhi thi pr 1947
.
Q: Pakistan ka pm kon hy?
Ans: buht ae gae lekn ab geelani shab..
.
SARDAR ye sub sun raha tha usne teno ans yaad krlie
1- B.A,
2- 1947,
3- Geelani
.
ab SARDAR se.
.
Q: Naam?
Ans:B.A
.
Q: Kab paida hoay?
Ans: koshish buhot pehly jari thi per 1947
.
Q: Baap ka naam?
Ans: wese to kitne aaye gaye lekin ab geelani sahab hai

......................................................................................................
Pati- jaanu chalo na aaj sx karte hain.,
Patni- nahi ji aaj mera upwas hai aaj nahi.
Pati- to mere lu#d me kya aata laga hai jo tera upwas tut jayega.

......................................................................................................

TIGER: Mona today u dont wear PANTY Today......!
MONA: O Yes.! great sir how do u know that??
TIGER: I can see dandruff on ur shoes.!

......................................................................................................
Sardar ga#d silwane mochi ke pass gaya,
mochi ne use 25,000 ka bill diya.
Sardar ne use 50,000 diye, muchi ne kaha "maine to pachchis mange the aap mujhe pachas kyu de rahe ho?"
sardar bahan ke lau%e tera bill dekh ker meri
dubara fat gai.

......................................................................................................

2 rand khadi thi
1boli-lagta he grahak a raha hai,
dusri-tuje kaise pata?
pehli-mujhe lu#d ki sugandh aa rahi hai,
dusri-are pagli wo to maine dakaar mari thi.

......................................................................................................

A GAY couple, got up in the morning,
1st- Naraj hai mujh se?
2nd- Nahi to..!!
1st- to raat ko meri taraf muh kar k kyon soya tha...??

......................................................................................................
Suhagraat pe ladka wife ko sirf kiss karke so gaya subah maa boli : beta mandir jane se pehle naha lo.
Bahu (gusse me): maji sirf brush karwa lo baki sab saaf hai.
......................................................................................................
ek pagal roz kehta- gulel banaunga panchhi ko maruga
5 mahine pagal khane me ilaaz k bad,
Dr. ne pucha- ab kya karoge?
Shadi
phir?
Suhagrat
phir?
Uski sari utaruga
phir?
Blouse
Oho! phir?
Bra utaruga
My god, phir?
Phir kya! Bra k elastic se gulel banaunga aur panchhi ko marunga.
......................................................................................................
What is tension:
Ladki ne apse lift mangi, Raste me uski tabiat kharab hogai, aap hospital le gye. Dr. Bola aap baap banne wale ho, apko tension!
aap bole mai iska baap nahi! Phir ladki se pucha
Ladki boli yahi baap hai apko aur tension
Phir Police i, apka medical chekup hua
Report i ki aap to kabhi bap hi nhi ban sakte aap ne Khuda ka shukr ada kia, aur aap khushi khushi bahar aa gaye!
aur phir socha ki ghar pe jo 2 bachche hai
wo kis ka hai. apko phir tenson.
......................................................................................................
admi Dr. se: Dr. saab mai apni Biwi ko c#odta hu to andar jake lu#d teda ho jata hai,
Dr. ko yakin nahi aata, to admi apni Biwi ko clinic me lakar Dr. k samne c#odta h phir bhi Dr. ko yakin nahi aata,
Kuch din baad kisi shadi me Dr apne dosto k sath khada us admi ka mazak uda raha hota hai. "ki is bewakuf ne apni Biwi ko mere samne c#oda"
Dusri taraf wo admi apne dosto k sath khada Dr ko dekh k hansta hai aur kehta hai "yaar ra#di lekar aaya tha jagah nahi mili to iske clinic me c#od diya."
......................................................................................................
Son: papa batao aaju baju baal bich me chhed kya hua?
Papa: chup marunga
Son: main batau, aankh.
Papa : ha ha ha sahi hai.
Son : aap ch~t samajhe the kya?
......................................................................................................
mulla ji bra lene shop par gaye
mulla ji: ek bra de do
shopkeepar: kis size ki du?
mulla ji: size to pata nahi par biwi ki purani bra me se meri do topi ban gayi hai.

......................................................................................................
Girl:-bra dikhao. salesmen:-36 chalegi? Girl:- choti do. salesmen:-32?
Girl:-aur choti. salesmen:-28?
Girl:-thodi aur. salesmen:-20?
Girl:-nahi todi aur. salesmen:- Madam BAND-AID laga lo, Pimple hua hoga.
......................................................................................................
Teacher-"wats ur name"
Santa-"HOLA"
Teacher-"ye kya naam hua"
Santa-"mai HOLI k din paida hua tha"
Teacher-"thank god tum LOHDI k din paida nhi hue"
......................................................................................................
1 baar chachi aur bhateja chat aur pani puri ka bussiness shuru karte hain- chaci said- hamara bussiness chalega kaise?
bhatija said- chachi hum advertisment denge "10 Rs. MEIN CHACHI KI CHAT LO"
......................................................................................................
ek ladke ne mujhe hath laga kar kaha tumhari tangon ke beech me ye kya hai.
mein ne kaha ye lakir.
mein ne uski tangon ke beech mein hath laga kar kaha ye kya hai.
us ne kaha ye usi lakir ka faqeer hai.
......................................................................................................
After 30 min of Sex with wife Sardar: r u satisfied?
Wife: No.
After 60 Min
Sardar: Now?
Wife: No
Sardar: why?
Wife: 1st remove my panty
......................................................................................................
blood test k baad nurse ne sardar ki ungli chusi, sardar ji muskuraye, nurse ne pucha kya hua?
sardar- "iske baad urin test hai"

......................................................................................................
Sx kar lene k baad boy "janeman ab tumhe wo hoga jise dunia bachcha kahti hai,
girl: meri ch~t k ashiq ma#a#rch#d ab tumhe wo hoga jise dunia aids kahti hai.
......................................................................................................
Santa to Dr.- "Ga#d me dard hai"
Dr.- "mai hath ghusata hu batana dard kaha hai"
Santa- "andar aur andar aur andar aur haan yahi hai"
Dr.- "Bhosdi k gale me TONSIL hai"

......................................................................................................
Patni (ghusse se)-mai ye ghar chod ke jaa rahi hu.Pati- jana hai to jaldi ja warna ga#d mar dunga. Patni- Bas apki yehi meethi baatein jane nahi deti.

......................................................................................................
a sardar breaks an egg to make an omellette, he notices that the egg is empty,
sardar says "be#ch#d ab murge bhi condom use karne lag gaye"

......................................................................................................
Badi murgi: Dekh Mere ande kitne bade Hai Rs. 2.25 Me bikte Hai Tere To Sirf 2/-Me jate Hai,
Choti Murgi:Rahne Do Chawanni k Liye koun ga#d fadega..

......................................................................................................

SuperSex
Teacher: Girl se Condom ka full form batao?

Girl :
C : Control
O : On
N : Natural
D : Drops
O : Of
M : Man
DO BOOND ZINDAGI KI

SuperSex
Teacher: Girl se Condom ka full form batao?

Girl :
C : Control
O : On
N : Natural
D : Drops
O : Of
M : Man
DO BOOND ZINDAGI KI

Kabir ka doha: Chodan chodan sab kare chod saka nhi koy,
Jab chodan ki bari aa e  land khra nhi hoy.
Gud nite

4 kutte 1 kuttiya ko Chood rehe the

AUNTY Pass se Nikli aur RO Padi Tab ek Bache ne Pucha,
KYA HUA?

Aunty:Kuch Nahi Beta COLLEGE K DIN YAAD Aa GAYE
Gud n8.

A Risky Questions:
.
Agar 1 taraf Sare khada ho,
Aur
doosri taraf,
mera khada ho,
to batao,
tum kis ki taraf jaoge?
Ab hanso mat, bolo,
Jaan Pyaari ya Gaand!

Suhagrat pe pati ne poori raat sirf boobs suck kiye
Subah ladke ki maa- beta uth ke naha dho lo
Ladki- sirf daantt brush krwa do baki sab saaf h :D

Wife Nayi Transparent BRA Lekar Pati Ke Saamne Pehenkar Khadi Ho Gayi..
Pati: Badi SEXY Lag Rahi Ho..mera  khada kar diya.
Wife: Dukandar Bhi Yahi bol ra tha

NISHANT Ka LUND FACTURE Hone Pe Hospital Laya Gaya..
.

Dr- Ye Kaise Hua?
.
NISHANT- Me Uski ma chod Dunga Jisne Diwar Pe NANGI LADKI Ki Tasvir Chipkai thi.!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
1Bacha roz school s bhag k
gand marwata tha.Is tarah usne bahut
paise kmaye.In paiso s usne Mobail khrida.
Vidhi ka vidhan dekho.aaj vo apni hi story padh rha ha

Only 2% students  solved this in IAS exam.
5+3+2=151022
9+2+4=183652
8+6+3=482466
5+4+5=202541
then
7+2+5= _______?

Reply must & Prove You r genius....

For u I would climb, the highest mountain peak.
Swim the deepest ocean, your love is all I seek.
Id just do anything, to have u by my side.



LOVE: You should always love life,
for it is a part of you.
I'll always be there when you fall,
to catch you and say I love you!

Apne Aasuon Ko Itna Mehnga Kardo Ki
Koi Unhe Lene Ki Kosish Na Kare
Aur Apni Muskan Ko Itna Sasta Kardo Ki
Hr Koi Usko Pane Ki Chahat Kare

RaT Ki TanHai Me Agr Koi BaDaN
Ko Chu Le
HonTo Ko ChuM Le
Kano Me Aa K Kuch Kahe To
iShQ Samaj Kr RiSk MaT UtaO
ALL Out JaLao MaChar BhaGaO


Koi kehta h khushiyo s jindgi aasan ho jati h
.or gm se jindgi veeran ho jati h,pr gm to ek imtehaan hota h..
jisme apno or begano ki peh chaan  hoti h..

Patni-Sunoji, Beta Bahut Paise Udane Laga He, Jaha B Chupati Hu dhundh Leta He
Pati-Nalayak Ki Book Me Rakh De, Exam Tak Nhi Dhundh Payega..


::1 baccha Apni Maa Se Pitne Ke Bad Ghar Ke Bahar Betha Tha ::
Papa: Kya Hua ::
Baccha: Tumari Beevi Ke Sath Ab Mera Gujara Nhi Ho Sakta Mjhe Meri Beevi chahie



Biwi KO Thpad marne Ke Bad pati Bola_
Admi use hi marta h. jise wo pyr krta h
Biwi NE B 2 Khich K mareOR Dhire
seBoli-ap kya samjte ho mai apse pyar nhi krti.

Full form of
"GIRL" :
G=Galti nikalne me sabse
      aage,
I=Inocent sirf shkl se, R=Rone ki automtic machine,
L=Ldai m sbki nani,
fir b duniya inki diwani


1Ladki roz gali se guzra karti thi...
apne chehre ko naqab se dhak kar rakhti thi
1ladka uspe marta tha...
shayad wo use dil se pyar karta tha
1din ladki ne us ladke k padosi se pucha.
kaha gya wo aashiq ?
to usne bataya aapko aane me der ho gai
us diwane ki kal rat maut ho gayi
Padosi ne apna farz nibhaya
ladki ko qabr tak le aya
Ladki qabr par rone lagi
apne ansu se qabr ko dhone lagi
Qabr se aawaz aayi
"A KHUDA YE KESA INQALAB AYA Hai
AAJ ME PARDE ME HU OR MERA MEHBOOB BENAQAB AYA Hai...




Jaa rahe hum marne, aaj mann udaas hai..
Yaad nhi kiya usne jiski mujhe aas hai..
Mujhe bhool gaye wo jo sabse khaas hain..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Chalo abmsg karo Kanjuson, upar likha sab Bakwaas hai.. %-) ;-)

Please comment......

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Hindi shero shayari, Hindi Full Gaali jokes, Maa bahan gaali, Full Adult jokes, Comedy Jokes

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